Cross Country Travels, Dusty Altars, and Steven Moffat - Interview with Indie Author Michelle Winkler

One of my favorite things about writing is getting to know other writers! I find other writers and aspiring authors on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, and it's always really exciting when you connect with someone and you become friends. 

I love swapping ideas, getting critiques, and having other writers to share woes and successes with. So, when I Michelle and I started to get to know each other through a Critique Partner matching, it was one of the best things ever!

We swapped novels and I loved hearing her feedback, and I really loved reading her novel, Dust on the Altar which she is currently prepping to be self-published. I can't wait for it to be released so you all can enjoy it too! If you like fantasy, witches, romance, and adventure - you'll LOVE Dust on the Altar too!

When Michelle agreed to do an interview - I was so glad!

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 Yes, I know I misspelled Steven Moffat in the picture. I don’t know what I was thinking! I, sorry! Please don’t take away my Whovian status!

Me: What do you write?

Michelle: My favorite genres growing up were Sci-fi and Fantasy, so most of my books will be of that kind. My 5 year plan includes: my first novel which will be book one in a fantasy trilogy, a time travel Sci-fi detective novel, and a memoir of my true life journey across country when I was 20 years old, just for a little something different.

Me: Um... I love that you have a five year plan. I barely have a five day plan! I also love that even within SFF, your genres vary like a time travel detective novel. So cool! And you journeyed across country when you were 20? Did you go by yourself???? Or do I need to wait until the memoir to learn? Haha.

Michelle:  The journey across country was not something I’d recommend to anyone. Hitch-hiking Is very dangerous, to put it mildly, even back in the 1980’s. At the time I was desperate, feeling very nearly suicidal but couldn’t bring myself to actually do that, so this is what I did. A last-ditch effort at life, so to speak. I was by myself and had only $60 and a kitchen steak knife for defense. Yeah, pretty risky. I had angels watching out for me, for sure.

It did all work out in the end though, and I can't wait to tell the story of all the great people I met along the way... and some jerks too. Of course I have to finish Dust on the Altar first and its sequels, if the first sells well. I'm determined that no matter how it sells I'm going to write and publish my journey story anyway, it will just take a few years. Stay tuned. 

Me: That's amazing! I definitely want to read that memoir now. You're so brave!

 

Me: How long have you been writing?

Michelle: I once found a 5 page story about a mouse who went to the moon to find out it was made of Swiss cheese, written in crayon... so, I’m guessing since about first grade. I don’t remember actually writing it though, so let’s just say I’ve been writing a long time.

Me: That's adorable. My first story was about the same time. It was about a giraffe who had multi-colored spots.

 

Me: When/why did you decide to pursue writing as a career?

Michelle: This, I’m much more clear about. On November 30, 2015 I amazed myself by winning National Novel Writing Month on my first try. I spent the next year or so debating what to do with the newborn manuscript I had created called Dust on the Altar.  

I had never been happy at a regular job, never stayed at one long, but I had always loved writing. I thought, if I could write books that gave people just a little of the joy I felt as a kid reading books, and could make a living doing it, then I would be happy to do that for the rest of my life.

So, I made the commitment to publish Dust on the Altar. On February 27, 2017, I opened my author Twitter account to start growing my author platform. Almost a year later here I am. I’m still revising DOTA but hoping to make my 2018 release date. We’ll see how well it does. If it sells, then I guess I have a new career. If not, then I’ll keep writing and possibly publishing for fun and those who do like my writing, but I’ll have to find work that does pay.

I’ve learned you should never give up on your dreams, however, you do have to pay your bills in the meantime.

Me: Love it! And I'm really impressed with how much you've been able to get done in just a year. I feel like it takes me AGES to even get a rough draft done, even after NaNoWriMo is over. I also love that you recognize how you can pursue your dreams... but you also have to pay your bills! So many times, people forget that. Just because you have to pay bills and get a "regular" job it doesn't mean that going for your dreams has to stop.

 

Me: How did you pick between traditional and self-publishing?

Michelle: That was a tough choice and I went back and forth on it several times. I don’t think one is better than the other, and I’m disappointed in the negativity authors seem to have toward each other the issue. There is room for everyone at the table.

There are several reasons I chose to be an independent author, but chief among them was complete control over my book. From the cover to marketing, I decide. I also decide when it will be published or if it will be published at all. By going through traditional publishing I leave all that up to someone else. That has its own advantages, but it doesn't seem right for me at this time. Perhaps in the future. Each author should make that choice for themselves.

Me:  Yeah, I've for sure learned more about the independent publishing industry, even though I'm going for traditional. There's a lot of misconceptions out there about self-published authors. But they are some of the best business minded people I've heard of as I read about it and listen to podcasts. It's really interesting, and I can see why they would choose to go that route. I'm really impatient too, so I can see the appeal of self-publishing for sure. But as you said, it's something each author needs to make for themselves.

 

Me:  What are some of the unexpected challenges that have come up while writing and publishing?

Michelle:  It’s taking much longer than I thought it would to revise my book. I’ve had to push my release date out twice and may have to again, which is upsetting to me. I’m not a patient person when it comes to myself. On the one hand, I want to have my book done already. On the other hand, I want it to be the best it can be.

Another challenge is having to change in ways I didn’t expect. I’m a very shy person but in order to make your voice heard you need to get out there and make friends in the writing and reader communities long before your book hits the market, otherwise they will say, “Michelle who?” Setting up social media accounts and engaging with them every day, blogging, email lists; all these and more are things I didn’t realize I would have to become comfortable with in order to have a presence ahead of my first book release.

The most surprising thing of all are that all these challenges haven’t scared me away from this career. I should have run screaming back to my cave a long time ago, but instead I have found myself smiling bigger, raising my chin and whispering, “Come on, bring it.”

Me: That's such an awesome attitude to have! I've definitely learned too that no matter if you're traditionally publishing a book, or self-publishing a book, a lot of the audience building and cultivating is the author's responsibility. You really need to put yourself out there. I love that you're not intimidated by it though and you let it motivate you!

 

Me: What’s the most rewarding thing about writing/publishing so far?

Michelle: Helping others. Every time I learn something new I really enjoy passing that knowledge on to other writers who may be just a few steps behind me on the learning curve. I get the greatest feeling of accomplishment from other writers thanking me for helping them. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn't be where I am without all the people who’ve said they like my writing. The positive feedback I’ve received so far has been the number one factor in deciding to go forward with publishing rather than keep my writing to myself. And I most certainly will cry literal tears for days at my first bad review. However, there’s just something about the feeling I get when someone says I’ve helped them in some way, that makes me smile like nothing else.

In fact, the main focus of my blog is to help new writers through their journey by letting them learn from my mistakes.

Me: I think we're all there with you on the first bad review thing! And YES with helping others! I'm the same way. I just love connecting with other writers (like you) and how we can all help and learn from each other. I have people I've been able to share my knowledge and resources with, and they do the same for me. It's such a great community.

 

Me:  Where do you get inspiration for your work?

Michelle:  I like to imagine there are bubbles of ideas floating around us all the time. We are constantly running into stray bubble-thoughts of this or that. If we don’t take the idea bubble and do something with it then it continues to float along until someone else grabs it and does something with it. Right?

Being serious, I’m not sure. Sometimes I have a dream. I daydream a lot while I’m driving. The idea for Dust on the Altar came from a daydream while I was driving past a church. I thought, when you hear about a loss of faith you think of religious faith. What if you were a witch and lost your faith in magic? And thus began the questions that grew into a novel.

Other times it will come from a real life experience. I believe it helps if you experience as much as you can in life and keep your mind and eyes open to what’s around you. You never know where your next story idea will come from.

Me: That's so cool where you got the idea for Dust on the Altar! It's really interesting to see where people's ideas come from, and how even with fantasy, so many times the themes and different elements still stem from real life.

 

Me: What authors inspire you?

Michelle:  In my youth, my mom introduced me to Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, and Frank Herbert’s epic Dune. I devoured these and more like them by the time I was in 6th grade. It sparked my fascination with the genres I still love today. While I still love the old classics, I find a lack of free time has turned me into a turtle reader and I don’t read as much as I used to.

Most of the books I read now are by new and debut authors. I find them inspiring because while they may have only one or two books out, they show great promise. Two of my favorites so far are Megan Tennant and Jenna Moreci.

Me: I'll have to check out those debut authors!

 

Me:  What is the first thing you remember writing?

Michelle:  I’ve written countless bits and pieces of things over the years but I’ve never really finished anything until now. Unless you count a Buffy fanfiction series a few years ago. But I didn’t finish the last chapter, so I guess I should count that either.

Anyway, Dust on the Altar is the first novel I’ve ever completed and is currently going through revisions to become my first published work.

I’m overly excited about it because it’s the most complicated, and at over 60,000 words the largest thing I’ve written that I’ve ever completed. It has been toiled over and molded and shaped into the best thing I could possibly make it. I can’t wait to share it with the world and hear back all the good and bad things people have to say about it, so that in 3 years time when asked this same question I can say, “I remember writing my first book.”

Me: Yes fanfiction! So many people get their start writing doing fan fic and I love it!

 

Me:  What do you like the most about your genre?

Michelle:  One of my favorite quotes by Steven Moffat actually explains what I love best about the Sci-fi and Fantasy genres, more specifically the heroes you find in them. In part, he says, “History books tell us who we used to be, documentaries tell us who we are now, but heroes tell us who we want to be.” Although you may never reach that ideal of the hero, I believe it’s vital to always have it to strive toward.

The other great thing about the two genres is that they can tell us hard truths we don’t want to hear. By setting the scene in a place completely alien to us, with people and situations that we don’t see every day, we can relax and enjoy the entertainment on the surface of the story while between the lines we are learning a lesson about things going on here in our modern day world. It’s like the spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. That lesson stays with us long after we close the book.

Me: I will definitely have to keep that quote from Moffat in mind. That's a good one! And it's so accurate about SFF. People who aren't into those genres I think don't realize must how much truth goes into them.

 

Me:  Describe your writing process in three words.

Michelle:  Messy. Fun. Typos.

Me:   LOL Definitely relateable right there!

 

Me:  What are your top three favorite books at the moment?

Michelle:  Like I said, I’ve become very interested in new and debut authors lately, but earlier this year I read The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman and fell in love with it. I listened to it on Audible over a couple days while painting our new kitchen. It was such an adventure. Of course I love British accents and it helped that the author read it himself. The descriptions were vivid, the plot was interesting, the characters fascinating. It’s one I will love to read again at some point.

Megan Tennant is one of those new authors I mentioned and her debut novel is Aletheia. It’s a dystopian first person account from a woman with no name. I hesitate to say zombie genre, because it’s not zombies. Just read it. It’s so good.

Jenna Moreci has her second novel coming out soon, and by pre-ordering I got to read the first five chapters. I’m totally hooked. It’s called The Saviors Champion.

Me: I love Ocean at the End of the Lane! And those others sound really good too!

 

Me:  What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

Michelle:  I love computer first person shooter games like PlanetSide 2, even though I die constantly, and World of Warcraft. I usually end up playing a supporting role in them like medic or mage. I also am trying to get a veggie and herb garden going, so I can supplement my food and eat better. I dabble with making my own chain-mail jewelry. I love movies and TV… that’s about it I guess.

Me: Chainmail jewelry? That's amazing!

 

Me:  What have you been watching/listening to lately?

Michelle:  I usually make a separate playlist for each book with songs that remind me of the characters, scenes, or moods in said book, and play it on a loop while I write or edit. Lately however, I discovered a group called Two Steps From Hell and have been playing their album Power of Darkness Anthology non-stop. It’s mostly instrumental music. Very emotional. They’ve written songs for some major blockbusters like Pirates of the Caribbean and such.

I’ve also been watching a lot of YouTube videos about writing and/or publishing. I usually start with Jenna or Megan and surf through whatever related videos pop up from there. Basically I’m in sponge mode trying to learn all I can about writing and publishing before I launch my first book. It’s been fun so far.

Me: I have some writing playlists that I have on repeat too as I write! I might have to take note of Power of Darkness cause they might have some good mood music for my own work. And I'm all about YouTube videos!

 

Me: Any online links you'd like to share so we can find you?

Michelle:  I’m on Twitter daily @MWinklerBooks, my writing blog is at michellewinkler.wordpress.com, my Facebook page is at facebook.com/michelle.winkler.397The debut authors I mentioned are ones I found through Twitter, so you can find them easily on my "following" list.


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Reading, Watching, Listening

I have been feeling particularly lazy the last couple of months. All I want to do when I get home from work is change into sweatpants, make tea, and watch Netflix. I should be writing, building relationships with other writers, making plans with friends, finding new bloggers to follow, etc. 

But nope. Even on my days off and I make all of these grand plans to be SUPER PRODUCTIVE, I end up reading a book and watching TV. Sometimes I'll get out of the house to run errands. 

I blame winter. 

On Thursday, Helene In Between did a "Reading, Watching, and Listening" post, and I thought I'd steal the idea for this week!

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Reading

You'll get my usual end of the month reading-round up next week. So, I won't go into too much detail here.

Glamour in Glass by Mary Robinette Kowal

This is the second book in her Glamourist Histories novels where it's basically Jane Austen with magic. They're so cute and charming and it really feels like I've jumped into an Austen novel. Just you know... they have magic too. 

 

An Extraordinary Union by Alyssa Cole

I've heard so many good things about this #ownvoices historical romance that takes place during the Civil War. It's about a former slave who is actually a spy for the Union and can I say YES PLEASE??? Sign me up to read that!

 

The Sense and Disability Blog

A friend of mine recommended this blog to me and I LOVE it already! She reviews romance books that feature characters who have disabilities. Already I've found two new authors because of this blog and I can't wait to read more! I squeal with excitement every time a new blog post hits my inbox. 

 

Watching

Winter is perfect for binge watching TV, am I right?

Gilmore Girls

Usually, I like to have a TV show I'm familiar with playing in the background at home while I'm getting other things accomplished. Cleaning, writing, reading, etc. I hate having it too quiet! With a TV show I know well, I don't have to be fully paying attention because I can jump in at any moment and not be lost. That was what Gilmore Girls was SUPPOSED to be after I finished my re-watch of Friends. 

However, I've been legitimately watching it. It's just so charming I can't help myself!

 

The Marvelous Mrs. Maizel

I know, I'm late to the party! But I finally decided to do an Amazon Prime free trial and this was at the top of my list of things to watch. (Cause you know... same people who created Gilmore Girls...) Everyone has been right in saying how funny and awesome it is!

 

Riverdale

Only the first season is on Netflix but oh goodness I'm addicted! I love this re-imagining of the classic comic (even though I literally know nothing about the original) and the murder mystery is so compelling. Yes, it's a pretty typical CW teen drama with a dash of murder mystery. But still. SO GOOD. I need season 2 on Netflix immediately because I'm too behind to watch it as it airs on TV.

 

The Bachelor

Yes, I'm one of those people who watches The Bachelor and The Bachelorette every single week. I just have to know who Arie picks! Even though I know a few weeks after the final rose episode they'll break up. But, one can hope it'll actually last this time... right? 

 

The Bachelor Winter Games

Judge me all you want. I judge myself. But it's a train wreck you just can't look away from. There's only been one episode and there's so many tears already! Will Ashley FINALLY find love and not be "friend-zoned????" THIS COULD BE HER SEASON! Let's be real- that's the real story behind these Bachelor spin-offs. Is it weird I'm kinda rooting for her in spite of all of the tears? I think it's because I'm secretly like her... but I don't think I cry as much. 

 

Listening

The Greatest Showman Soundtrack

Like the rest of the world, I've fallen in love with The Greatest Showman. I'm a musical theatre nerd - what can I say? Yes, there are some problematic elements, and yes it's not completely accurate as to how PT Barnum really was and how the circus really was/is, etc. But I've seen the movie twice and it makes me laugh and cry and I get chills and ZAC EFRON and the music is just SO SO GOOD. If you ever need a pick-me-up, this album will definitely put you in good spirits. I also learned that the music goes perfectly while reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

 

Demi Lovato's album Tell Me You Love Me

I've never been a huge fan of Demi Lovato. I've never had anything against her, and when a song of hers comes on the radio I don't turn the station or anything like that. Just, for some reason I never got into her music. But when Tell Me You Love me came out last year I heard someone raving about it and thought I'd check it out.

OH MY GOODNESS now I can't stop. It's awesome inspiration for my Vampire Snow White novel. It's full of girl-power, but also really sexy, but also vulnerable. Just.... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. How was I not a Demi Lovato fan before now? 

 

The Snark Squad Podcast

I've been following The Snark Squad blog ever since their early days of commenting on The Babysitters Club and Sweet Valley High. We have a long-term relationship. Naturally, when they released a podcast I was on it ASAP.

It's PERFECT. 

In fact, their episode about Riverdale was what inspired me to watch the show, and their episode about Star Wars was completely delightful. If you like snark and pop culture, you HAVE to listen. 

 

What have you been reading/watching/listening to lately? Anything I should check out?

What to do About Dating Part 3: Story Time

I've been doing some heavier topics with dating the last couple of week. So, let's lighten things up a bit, shall we? 

I've been told that I have some of the most outrageous stories when it comes to my limited online dating experiences. I may not think they're a big deal, or that perhaps they're "normal." But when I tell them my friends start to have a strange look on their face and ask "he did/said what?"

So, here's one of my "classic" stories friends always want me to share when people ask about my online dating experiences.

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The Forest Preserve Guy

Please note:  names have been changed to preserve privacy.

It was a few years ago in the early spring. I'd moved back to Chicago and was working part-time at a preschool. It was a new start to my life, so I decided it was a good time to jump into online dating. I'd attempted it (barely) in the past, but I needed to ACTUALLY try. 

I found him on an app and he had a great opening line. He noticed I mentioned in my profile that I used to work in youth ministry about how his dad was a pastor so he understood how much ministry could suck.

Someone who understood me! It was amazing!

We chatted on the app for a bit and quickly moved onto actual text messages. Sharing my phone number with a guy was brand new to me, so this was quite a brave and exciting step. We texted all weekend and had deep conversations. I'd waded through a ton of terrible conversations and sleezey men. This was a breath of fresh air.

He told me his name was Johnathan. I remember specifically asking him if he preferred John or Johnathan. He said Johnathan. (Yes, this is important.) Cool.

It just so happened later that week, a friend of mine was coming up to Chicago for a few days and was staying at a hotel somewhat around the area of where I worked. I always finished my shift around 1pm, and I had a couple of hours to spare before meeting her. So, in a surge of uncommon bravery, I texted Johnathan and asked if he was free and if he wanted to hang out. He said sure, and he was planning to take his dog to the dog park that afternoon and asked if I'd want to come.

I thought it was a great idea. I love dogs, and it's a slightly different first meeting/date from the usual coffee or drinks. 

I told him what time I was off work, he gave me the address, and I said how long it'd take me to get there.

The day came, I wore a cute (but not like I was trying too hard) outfit, and when I left work I punched the address into my GPS. I arrived slightly early, but still roughly about the time I said I would. However... this address did not look like a dog park.

It was a forest preserve with a large field across the street from a neighborhood. So... not tucked away and deserted or anything like that. But definitely not a dog park.

I decided not to panic. Since I'm directionally challenged and get lost all of the time, I figured I found the wrong place. So, I drove around a bit in search of the dog park. 

There was none to be found.

Eventually, I saw an elderly woman walking a dog. Surely, she knew where the dog park was! I pulled over and asked.

She said, "Well, there's the field by the forest preserve. BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR DOG ON A LEASH!"

"Okay... thank you." 

I parked next to a house across the street and looked over at the open field as I texted Johnathan: I think I'm at the right place? It's a forest preserve.

He texted back. Oh! I didn't know you were already there! Give me ten minutes.

First of all,  I told him what time I'd be there. But... whatever.

Second of all, I was in the right place. The thought go through my mind:

AND THIS IS WHERE I GET MURDERED.

Naturally, as I waited I put on some lip gloss. Because apparently when you're about to get murdered you should also look cute. 

Please don't ask me why I stayed. I have no idea.

Sure enough, Johnathan arrived with with dog in tow and we hung out in the field. He apologized and said "Yeah... it's not really a dog park."

Yeah. I got that.

The date/meet-up itself wasn't that bad. Conversation wasn't amazing, but not weird or awkward as so many first dates can go. He seemed like a pretty nice guy. His dog was also adorable and she loved me.

But then.

He said, "By the way, my name isn't Johnathan. It's Dave."

Me:

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Now, if I recall correctly, the app we had been using was one where you had a username. But he introduced himself when we chatted AND as you recall, I specifically asked him what he preferred to be called.

I understand wanting to be safe and all, but when you're at the point of texting and meeting up, that's also when you know someone by their ACTUAL name. Also, you don't tell someone you're going to a dog park when you're actually going to a forest preserve in a random open field.

I try to be nice and ask "So, is Johnathan your middle name or something and you just prefer it?"

"No, it's just a name I like to go by."

Oooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaayyyyy.....

JUST A NAME YOU RANDOMLY PICKED FOR YOURSELF YOU LIKE TO GO BY?

What? What? What? If you hate your name, then go get it changed to the one you like! 

We parted ways after a bit when it was time for me to meet my friend. I didn't hear from him after, and he didn't hear from me. Which, there was no reason he didn't text me. I was awesome. Not that I wanted him to text me, but still.

Until a few weeks later when he texted to say that he got a new place and wanted to see if I wanted to come over and watch Netflix.

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About a year later, in the winter, I get a random Facebook message from him (Yes, on his Facebook, he has both names) and he wanted to see how I was and told me about the "crazy" girl he just broke up with.

Cool?

I haven't spoken to him since.

And that's just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to some of the weird stories I have. 

 

Anyone else have weird dating stories they want to share?


Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!

What to do About Dating Part 2: Being Upfront

Honesty is one of the most important elements of any type of relationship. Whether it's dating, marriage, friendship, family, or even a hook-up. If people aren't honest about who they are and where they're at, there is bound to be trouble. 

It's the age old story. One person is there just for the night. The other person wants love and marriage. The discussion of what they really want never happened. They have a date and then the next day... I'm sure you know where this story is going, and it doesn't end well. 

If both parties had been more upfront about what they wanted and where they were at, a lot of heartache and drama could have been avoided. 

But, how do you approach these topics? When are you upfront about your life, and when is it okay to wait until later to bring up certain issues? 

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Not long ago, a friend of mine on Twitter was discussing this topic of being upfront. (She gave me permission to reference this conversation for this post, by the way.) She is asexual, and was trying to figure out when you're starting to date someone is it appropriate to bring this up. The last I checked, there wasn't a box to check on OkCupid for "asexual." So... when do you talk about it? Before you meet? The first date? When you start to get physical? It's a really great thread and some awesome advice, so I highly suggest you clicking the link to check it out.

I'm not in the same situation, but I could get where she was coming from. While I'm not ace, I am a virgin. (Yes! We do still exist! We're like unicorns!) 

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Some of the more detailed dating sites and apps do give you the opportunity to ask questions about this, but I've found that I still need to find a way to bring it up while getting to know a guy. So far, I haven't found a solution. 

Most of the time, the conversation ends up being them asking me personal questions about my past relationships, expecting me to explain myself, them thinking that I judge them for having a sexual past (By the way... I totally don't. As long as you're safe and everything is consensual, I don't care.), or it turning into an argument.

It's shocking to me how rare a reply such as "No need to explain yourself, it's your body and your choice and I respect that" happens. When it does, I'm pretty floored. 

Part of me hates that most of the time I have to bring this up before I even meet the guy. I don't want it to be an expectation or an automatic write-off. These aspects of someone's life are very personal, and if me, or someone like me, doesn't want to share right away, that should be okay. 

But at the same time, if that's what the other person wants, shouldn't they know this about me before anything happens? And if they're going to be a jerk about it, don't I want to know sooner rather than later?

I've found this to be an issue also when it comes to my disability. One of the very first dates I ever went on from an online app, I had talked to the guy for a couple of days and we met up for coffee. While, on my profile I had a fully-body photo, the guy didn't put together the pieces that I was small. (4'2 to be exact.) Let's just say... it was awkward. I learned the hard way that this is something I absolutely need to be clear about upfront. 

One of my favorite YouTubers, Sitting Pretty with Lolo, gives advice about online dating with a disability all of the time. She suggests while your first profile pic can be whatever you want, be sure that one of the next ones shows your disability. (If it's visible.) For Lolo, that would mean a picture in her wheelchair. For me, while the wheelchair on occasion is something I use, the bigger one for me is being sure I show my height.

Then, Lolo suggests being sure you mention it once in your profile, then move on. Thankfully, most apps and sites give an option for sharing your height. (Although, a couple have automatic options and they don't always go as low as I need, which is really frustrating.) Later, somewhere in my profile (among all of my other awesome attributes!) I mention that I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta. (OI) I've had a couple of interesting pick-up lines from that to be honest! 

I still make it a habit to mention it before I meet a guy to be on the safe side. It's usually awkward, and I don't always know how to bring it up. Most often this conversation goes better than the "hey I'm a virgin" one, but can still be awkward because I don't know how to weave it into conversation. Yet, I know I have to be upfront because once you meet me, there's no way of avoiding it.

I definitely want to go more into detail about dating and having a disability, but that's another topic for another time.

These are the two biggest topics I think about when it comes to being upfront about myself right away. But, there are so many other things too where it can be tricky figuring out how and when to bring it up. Smoking and drinking habits, if someone is divorced, if someone has kids, political views, etc. 

Frankly, if it's a good conversation I don't mind diving into some of the "real stuff" right away. But even then, a lot of these things can be incredibly personal, and I don't think someone should be forced to talk and share them before they're ready. But when dating, when is the appropriate time? 

I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this and how they've handled these things or give any insights. Sometimes I feel so silly asking these questions because I think I should have enough dating experience by now to have other thoughts. But, it is what it is, right? 

Right.


Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!

January Reading Round-Up and February TBR

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This year started off pretty slow for me reading-wise. The first few books I read I enjoyed... but my focus just wasn't there. I could tell you basic plot lines and the general feeling of each book. But details? Nope. It felt slow for me. On the one hand, it was good because I wasn't reading as much and that's a goal of mine for the year. (I need way more life/reading balance!)

On the other hand, it feels odd to me. I can tell something is off because even though I read far less books than usual, my focus on them wasn't there at all. Even for writing, I can't seem to focus on anything. I blame winter. 

It got better the last few days though.

Anyway.

Here's what I read this past month. 

*This post contains Amazon affiliated links.

 

The Grisha Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo

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  • Genre: YA Fantasy
  • Format: paperback
  • Rating: 4 Stars for the whole series

I've literally had this series sitting on my shelf for years. I heard a ton of hype for the first book, Shadow and Bone so I picked up the paperback. It took me at least three years to finally pick it up. I'm not sure why because I knew I'd like it. When I did at the end of 2016 I was blown away! WHY DID IT TAKE ME SO LONG? Which meant I immediately ran to the store to buy the next two. 

Then... they sat and gathered dust on my shelf for at least another year. 

I decided the first thing I would read in January was this trilogy. Give the first book a re-read then jump into the next two right away. 

The Grisha Trilogy is a sold four-star series. Which, was slightly disappointing to me. So many people rave about these books I for sure thought I was going to jump on the bandwagon and make it five stars as well. But... it just wasn't there for me. I cant think of a single thing which is particularly "wrong" or done "badly." The characters were good and I liked the relationships Alina built, the Darkling was interesting, and the friendships were great particularly in the second and third books. The world building and magic were good and I liked how it had a historical Russian feel. The plot was fine, and it ticked all of those usual boxes I usually LOVE in a YA fantasy series.

But, it didn't have that particular "extra" I need in order to be a complete fan-girl over them and give a full five stars. Even the first book which I remembered LOVING so much at first, upon my re-read I was like "oh... it was good but... NOT BEST BOOK EVA" the way I had originally. 

I do want to read the spin-off duology, Six of Crows, but I'm going to take a break from this author for a bit, then go back to it. 

If you enjoy YA fantasy, you'll enjoy this series.

  • You'll like this book if you also enjoy: Other young adult fantasy books, love triangles, adventure, Russia, magic
  • Trigger Warnings: violence, mutilation, manipulative relationship, harm to animals, orphans, poverty

Wives of War by Soraya M. Lane

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  • Genre: Historical Fiction (WWII)
  • Format: ebook
  • Rating: 4 stars

The start of this book was a bit slow for me, but once I got to part two - I was all in! My favorite part was the friendship between the three nurses. They're definitely #squadgoals! They had their ups and downs, and had to stick by each others side even when the world seemed to be ending around them. Each woman was fantastic and powerful in her own way, and I was a fan of all three of their romances. 

The writing style, I'll admit, wasn't anything remarkable. She got repetitive and would talk over and over again about how they wanted to take a warm bath and drink real tea. Which, I'm sure those were thoughts nurses during WWII had repeatedly during their service. But, as a reader, I don't need it to be told to me every other page. 

There was one character who had significant injuries toward the end of the book and had paralysis. I wasn't a huge fan of how she handled that particular character, but she also kind of wrote herself into a hole in regards to them, and there weren't many other options for them. But, there was another character who also ended up with significant injuries and could be considered disabled and I thought they were handled much better. 

  • You'll like this book if you also enjoy:  Call the Midwife, WWII stories, books about friendship, historical romance, multiple points of view
  • Trigger Warnings: graphic war injuries, PTSD, unplanned pregnancy, trauma, burning, cheating, suicide, depression

Uprooted by Naomi Novik

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  • Genre: Fantasy
  • Format: ebook
  • Rating: 4 stars

Under normal circumstances, Uprooted is a book I would have LOVED. But, as I stated at the start of this post, my focus has been lacking the last few weeks. It took me far longer than usual to read this book, and there were a lot of times I'd read a page then be like "what did I just read?" then have to go back and read it again. I remember the gist of the book, and was able to follow the main plot points. But details? Not so much.

It was a weird reading experience for me. But I don't think it was the book's fault, just my brain not working how it usually does.

It's not you, Uprooted, it's me.

When people talk about Uprooted, usually I hear about how it has a fairy tale feel and the romance between Agnieszka and "the dragon." These are both true things, and I enjoyed both. But, the true heart of the story is the friendship between Agnieszka and Kasia. The romance was much more in the background than I anticipated. Just... OH MY GOODNESS talk about #friendshipgoals. They were by far my favorite part of this book. In fact, I want some fanfiction about them being the real romance. Can I have that please? Thanks. (Not that I didn't like the romance between her and the dragon, that was good too.) The world building was fine, the magic was fine, and I liked the fairy tale feel. But seriously, the friendship was what sold me. 

  • You'll like this book if you also enjoy:  epic fantasy, fairy tales, romance, friendship
  • Trigger Warnings: sexual assault/on page rape attempt, graphic magic violence 

Relinquished Hood (Red Hood Chronicles #2) by Kendrai Meeks

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  • Genre: Urban Fantasy (could be considered New Adult)
  • Format: ebook
  • Rating: 3.5 Stars

After not being able to focus on anything, I decided I needed a bit of a lighter read and something I could get through quickly and have fun. For me, that usually means an urban fantasy. I read the first book in this series, Reluctant Hood, over the summer and really liked it, then downloaded the second one once it came out. But I haven't read it yet, and the third book is coming out in February. I decided it was high time I read book two. This was was exactly what I needed because I finished it in a single day.

It took me a second to remember the details of the first book, but as I got into this one it all came back to me. I really love the whole vampires who are also scientists twist this book has and how Geri is a biology student. The twists on fairy tales and the lore is also really fun. I can't go too much into detail about what happens in this book and my thoughts because I don't want to spoil the first one. But, there is this whole thing where werewolves and hoods can spiral into madness which is really interesting, but I don't think it was shown enough in this book and we were only told that Geri could go down that spiral. I didn't actually see the potential for her too, and if I had, I think it would have bumped up my rating for this book because it could have been interesting to see. 

That being said, I'm still pretty excited for the third one to come out at the end of February and already have my copy pre-ordered.

  • You'll like this book if you also enjoy:  fairy tale inspired, werewolves, vampires, STEM, Dracula/Van Helsing lore, urban fantasy that has some romantic elements but they are more in the background
  • Trigger Warnings:  loss of a loved one, graphic violence

Illuminae (The lluminae Files #1) by Amie Kauffman and Jay Kristoff

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  • Genre: Young Adult Sci-Fi
  • Format: Hardcover
  • Rating: 5 Stars

Then I read Illuminae.

I have been attempting to read this book for over a year. I've picked it up and put it down at least two or three times. Not because I wasn't enjoying it or I didn't like it or wasn't interested. I simply didn't have the focus for it. After I finished Relinquished Hood, I thought that perhaps the unique format would be good for me so I could get into a different head space. 

What makes this book (the the other books in this series) so unique is that it is not your typical novel format. The entire book is a collection of "files" compiled together to form a narrative. It's multi-media, has notes, pictures, name lists, diagrams, emails, instant message conversations, etc. Which, is pretty awesome, and creative. I've also heard that the audiobook is amazing. I do have the audiobook and I wanted to listen to it as I read because it has a full cast and a friend of mine said it's a great reading experience that way, but when I listen to audiobooks it's in the car on my way to work which means that I wouldn't be able to actually read along. Maybe someday I'll go back and listen to it. 

I definitely needed to switch my mind into a different gear to read, but once I got used to it ... WOW. Just... wow. Part of me doesn't even want to tell you more about it because the more I read the more I loved it and I got so invested in the story... and I kind of loved not knowing a whole lot about the story. It's space, and artificial intelligence that turns against you, and people getting sick, and action packed (much more brutal and dark than I originally thought, but I shouldn't have been since one of the authors wrote Nevernight)Just go read the book! It was amazing and I need to go get the second one, Gemina right now!

The only complaint I'd have about this book is that due to the format, I had a hard time keeping track of characters who weren't our two main protagonists, and I couldn't get to know them quite as much as I would have in a more traditional book. But, I was still very attached to them.

  • You'll like this book if you also enjoy:  space, Firefly, unusual/unique book formats, dark Sc-Fi, artificial intelligence
  • Trigger Warnings:  mass killings/attacks, space warfare, PTSD, loss of loved ones, madness, graphic/brutal violence, creepy children

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  • Genre: Young Adult Sci-Fi Graphic Novel
  • Format: Hardcover
  • Rating: 4 Stars

After re-reading all of The Lunar Chronicles in December, and with the second Wires and Nerve graphic novel being released this week, I decided it was time to re-read the first graphic novel in preparation. 

If you like The Lunar Chronicles, you'll like Wires and Nerve. Particularly if Iko is one of your favorite characters because this is all about her! I'm glad she finally got to be in the spotlight because she's just so delightful. You definitely need to read the other books first because the first five pages of the graphic novel give you a summary of the series and will definitely be filled with spoilers. I don't think it's quite as good as the novels, but still really fun. 

  • You'll like this book if you also enjoy:  graphic novels, space, sci-fi, squad goals, androids, action, The Lunar Chronicles
  • Trigger Warnings:  on page violence (but all of the images are in blue, and are very cartoon-esque, so it's pretty tame)

What I Want to Read in February

I decided for February, I'm going to have two specific themes for the books I'll be reading. 

It being Valentines Day, it's the perfect excuse to dive into all the cheesy/trashy/wonderful/and light-hearted romance books I have sitting on my Kindle. There's so many taking up space that I haven't had the chance to read yet. Then, after reading all of the holiday romances in December, I've still been in the mood for those types of books. This is the perfect time for me to binge read some. 

Here are some of the ones I'm thinking about:

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But then... it's also Black History Month, and as of late, I've been doing an awful job of being sure that I'm reading more #ownvoices books. Therefore, I also want to read books which are written by black authors. I have yet another "stack" of them on my Kindle begging to be read!

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What's even better? When the books fit with both goals.

Such as these:

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Then, in preparation for the final Throne of Glass book by Sarah J Maas being released later this year, I'll be re-reading each book leading up to that day. Which mean, in February I'll be re-reading The Assassin's Blade and cry for forever. 

We'll see which of these I actually read!

What did you read in January? What are you planning to read in February?


Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!

What to do About Dating Part 1: Standards

Valentines Day is coming up, so what better time than now to talk about dating?

In my case, it's more of a lack of dating, but not because I haven't tried. Swipe right, swipe left, trying to think of something clever to say, do I actually give this random guy my phone number, do we meet, where do we meet, what if we have nothing to talk about, what if he turns out to be a jerk... it's exhausting. 

The problem doesn't lie in meeting people from the internet. At least not for me. Thanks to blogging, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, etc. I've gotten to know a ton of people through the Internet,  met them "in real life," and consider some to be dear friends.

With dating, there's so much more to sort through, jerks to avoid, and awkward conversations to endure.  Thankfully, the most recent app I've been using has updated their messaging system, and it's made things much better thus far. I'm avoiding a lot more of the guys I'm not interested in and able to focus on the ones I am. Hooray! 

But... that doesn't mean my problems are solved. Not by a long shot. It's high time I talked about them. 

Leading up to the big V-Day, I'm doing a 3 part series on my experiences with dating.

  1. Standards
  2. Being Upfront
  3. Stories

This is by no means a series where I'm dishing out advice on how to make your dating profile amazing, what to do or what to talk about on dates, or the best pick up lines. I'm the last person for that.

This series is more about the thoughts I've been having when it comes to dating. Talking about the dilemmas I've faced. Sharing some funny stories. Things like that. 

As I write today's topic, I'm going to try and be as inclusive as I can. I will talk about being straight/cis woman/Christian because that is the particular perspective I come from and those are my experiences. However, I will still try to make this as relateable as possible no matter your orientation, gender, religion, etc. I'd love to hear different views and stories. So, feel free to share them in the comments, or email directly at eehornburg [at] gmail [dot] com. 

This also means you'll be getting a bonus blog post this week on Thursday with my January Reading Round-Up! (I wouldn't forget about that!) I also might have a bonus Flash Fiction story up on Friday. So, those of you who subscribe via email, your inboxes are going to be full this week!

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The standards and expectations bring into relationships are fascinating. We all have images in our minds of what our partner will be like and set deal breakers for what will and will not work in a relationship. (Or hook up - whatever you're looking for!) What works for one person is a complete turn off for another and vise versa.

I wish I could tell you the pattern I have when it comes to swiping left or right. Some days, I'm stingy and don't like a single profile that comes across my screen. Other days, I'm in a generous mood and give almost every guy a chance. (I usually come to regret that later.) It feels so random and depends on my mood. 

I do have a few rules when it comes to giving a guy a chance. They're somewhat shallow like height (I'm 4'2... every guy towers over me, but even I have a limit), or I don't like the photo, if we have common interests, if they're hold a dog in their photo, how much they add in their profile, etc. But even with those things, there's still times I'll pass or accept and break these rules.

I guess they aren't really rules. More like guidelines.

I mean... just the other day I was chatting with a man who's profile said he was 6'5.

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It makes me wonder, what is an actual deal breaker when it comes to dating and relationships? And when is it, if ever, okay to bend those rules we make for ourselves?

I'm not just talking about things like height, hair color, or if every single interest you have IS THE EXACT SAME. I'm talking about the big stuff. Religion, do you want a family, personalities complimenting each other, do you want the same things in life, politics, etc. 

The more I talk to men and swipe through the apps, the more I think about this, and how some of my deal breakers have changed. And if they should continue to change. 

Example:  a few years ago how someone voted may have played a role in who I was interested in, but ultimately, if they were a good person I was willing to be lenient if we didn't agree. Now, in light of the last few years, you bet your ass someone's political beliefs are a deal breaker for me. 

When we go into a relationship, compromises happen all of the time. I've seen them happen. One person vows they'll never get married or have children, then a few years later they're married with a baby. One person smokes but when they find someone they want a relationship with and they say "I don't date smokers" suddenly you see them with a nicotine patch on their arm. Another person may say that they never want to live with someone before they get married, but eventually move in with their partner before a ring is on their finger.

And all of these people are happy and comfortable with the choices they've made. 

So, what's the deal? When did they change their mind and how did they become comfortable with it?

For me, my big deal breaker has always been faith. I grew up in a traditional Lutheran household, went to a small Lutheran elementary school and university, worked in the church for five years, and always imagined I would end up with someone who shares the same faith as me.

But then, as I talk to guys, I've found I'm just as wary (if not more so) to try dating someone who is a Christian than those who aren't. A lot of times, it's the Christian men who have more of an issue with the fact that I have a disability (more on that at another time), and for the non-Christians it's totally fine. Or politically and socially I have more in common with the non-Christians than the Christians. (I'm not even talking about strictly Lutherans either.) I worry more about the Christian men judging due to the topics and characters I write about in my novels. It makes me wonder if I should open my sphere of men I should be interested in.

On the other hand, if my faith is something that is so important and such a large role in my life, is that something a future partner or spouse should share?

This doesn't have to be just about faith and religion - this simply is the big issue I personally come across. I'm sure people who aren't Christian, many times have the same questions about their own morals/ethics/standards/deal breakers as well.

As anyone would do, I took to the Internet with my question.

It struck up a great conversation, and I loved all of the comments and input I received. There are a lot of women just like me, who are strong Christians, but find dating to be a complete nightmare. Just hearing them say that they understood where I was coming from and were having the same issues as me was a tremendous comfort.

There were also, as I expected, people who encouraged me and shared Bible verses and experiences about dating other Christians. Then talked about praying about it and leaving it up to God. Which, I also appreciated and understood. I know the same verses and prayers and advice. Yet... it kinda of made me feel like Alexander Hamilton as he's rap battling with Thomas Jefferson.

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And then I feel guilty for feeling this way - because I know they have the greatest of intentions and as I said, I totally get and see where they're coming from.

But, I see the people in my life that I know who married someone who doesn't share the same faith as them, and they're happy. It works for them. A friend privately messaged me and was like "you make compromises and religion was one of mine" and she's happy. When talking with another friend she said that yes, she thinks sharing that is what works best, but also that there's no harm in getting to know someone. There are a lot of people who marry those who don't share their faith. They're still Christian. They still go to church. The world hasn't ended.

Yet, I also had friends say that they would hate for me to let go of my standards and settle.

So, when is someone compromising and being realistic, and when is someone letting go of their standards and settling?

Okay... I know what some of you are thinking. "OMG WHO IS THE AMAZING GUY YOU MET THAT IS MAKING YOU CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS ON DATING?"

There is no one particular guy. I'm still single. I'm not seeing anyone specifically. 

Do I need to shout it for the people in the back? No? Okay, good.

These are simply thoughts I've been having as I fall down this rabbit hole of dating. I've been talking to a lot of different guys, and I've noticed there's a lot of them who don't fit that original image I had of who I'd want to end up with. Does that mean I don't give them a shot? I'm not sure.

Now, I ask you all, because I have zero answers or solutions. I'm sure ultimately, it's up to each individual person and couple. There is no one answer. But still, I'm curious.

What are your deal breakers when it comes to relationships? What are you willing to compromise? Have you found yourself changing your deal breakers as time goes on? What's surprised you about dating? Please, lend some insight to someone who hasn't given up on the idea of romance quite yet! 


Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!

If We Were Having Coffee

This is a blog topic which has been floating around the blogosphere for a few years now. (I think I first saw it on Mr. Thomas and Me, but I know a ton of other bloggers have used it and I'm not sure if she was the first to!) I've always loved this topic and format to share some thoughts I've been having lately. 

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If we were having coffee... My drink of choice would probably be a blonde vanilla latte. Yup, I'm totally jumping on that Starbucks bandwagon with their blonde espresso. It's delicious.

If we were having coffee... I'd tell you how I'm still trying to figure out this blog. In some ways I'm really proud of it and where it's going. The layout is the best I've ever had because it looks professional while also reflecting who I am. I love how much more focused the posts are. But, I look at them and sometimes I think "I don't talk like that. Who talks like that?" As much as I want to be professional and talk about writing and books and everything... I want to be myself too. My favorite blogs are always the ones where I feel like I actually know the person who's writing. I want to be the same way. Even with my Flash Fiction Fridays I'm having doubts. I've really started to love writing these short stories, it's challenging me, and the characters I've been able to create are dear to my heart. My most recent story, has been one of my favorites and most personal to me so far. I'm so proud of it. But the amount of views it's had is rather sad. While I know it's not about the amount of views something has, it is discouraging. I'm not sure what to do about it. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how truly awful online dating is. There are a lot of apps and websites who are working hard to improve things so people aren't getting unwanted messages as often. (OKCupid just updated their messaging system that I'm pretty happy about.) But, it still just sucks. First, you have the plain old jerks and creepers. Once you weed them out, you have the guys who have no clue how to hold a conversation. Once you weed them out, there's the ones who seem like good men... but soon you realize they're just jerks in disguise. I'm exhausted. But, I've had some fascinating conversations about all of this lately, that will probably result in some blog posts. So, at least there's that?

If we were having coffee... I'd share how my niece is already 2 months old, and still completely adorable. She's super "talkative" and always makes all of these noises like she wants to be part of the conversation. I love it! 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm not sure what to do about church at the moment. The service I've been attending since college (regularly in college, then when I'd come visit the years I lived in Missouri, then officially joined as a member when I moved back to Chicago) closed it's doors December 31st. The "main campus" which hosted the service is still open, and my membership is there. I want to try to continue to go there because I love the congregation. But I also wonder if this is a sign for me to find another place to go. Particularly one closer to home. Yet, I do like the congregation, and I end up working on almost every Sunday morning anyway which prevents me from attending anywhere. So... maybe I need to just not worry about it. But I've never not had a "home base" for Sundays mornings before on the rare occasions I can attend. This is weird for me. 

If we were having coffee... My shallow and materialistic side would come out and I'd probably be gushing about the Pandora bracelet I got for Christmas. I'm slightly obsessed and am always paging through the catalog and website looking at charms. I know.. it's ridiculous. But I can't help it! It's just so pretty and shiny!

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how finishing the rough draft of Vampire Snow White isn't going quite as I had hoped. I think my month-long break in December did more harm than good because now I can't get back into the swing of writing regularly. It's not like I'm not thinking about it or working on it. I am. I've done some brainstorming, world building, and had a couple break-throughs. All of this totally counts and is great! But, actual words on the page? Not so much. 

If we were having coffee, what would you order? What would you tell me about your life lately?


Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!

The Living Porcelain Doll

Photo on <a href="https://visualhunt.com/re/bde3d6">VisualHunt</a>

Photo on <a href="https://visualhunt.com/re/bde3d6">VisualHunt</a>

The chair wheels rattled along the path and a lion roared through the red and white fabric walls before me, followed by the familiar frustrated grunt of his young tamer, Oscar. I pulled aside the tent's flap in time to see him throw a whip to the ground and toss off his top hat. His shoulders relaxed when he saw me.

"What are you doing here, Grace?" he asked, but didn't hide his smile.

I held up a battered deck of cards. "I practice better here and I had time before I needed to do my makeup."

Oscar offered a quick nod. "Of course."

"Thanks."

I maneuvered myself  onto one of the stands, my skirt scandalously hitched around my legs to reveal the metal braces upon them, and straddled the bench. I'd quickly learned that modesty wasn't a high value at the circus. I couldn't help but notice Oscar's careful eye being sure I didn't lose my balance.

"You know, the sign for my act isn't true when it says I could break at any moment. I'm perfectly capable of moving." I spread the deck of cards across the bench surface.

"The Living Porcelain Doll" was the side act name. I originally auditioned to be the world's smallest magician. However, when I told the ringleader I was not only small, but also had fragile bones, he ignored my card tricks and concocted an entirely different plan. My arms and face were painted to look like a doll with the illusion of having cracks and gaps as though I had fallen off a shelf. I sat upon a stool in a long skirt which covered my braced legs as the audience members ogled. It was the only thing he could think of to showcase my "uniqueness."

The key, the ringleader told me, was to exaggerate the truth just enough so it was remarkable, while still being believable. I did have to be careful, but could at least move from the wheelchair to a bench on my own. Still, some of the other circus members treated me more like an actual porcelain doll than human.

Oscar cleared his throat and picked up his whip and hat. "Yes, but we don't need any injuries."

He returned to practicing and I spread the deck into a line face down. With a single nudge at the end they all flipped over to show the faces, diamonds, spades, hearts, and then clubs. Another nudge and they flipped back. One more nudge and they now were clubs, hearts, diamonds, and then spades.

The lion roared again while I shuffled, and the cards spilled across the bench and floor.

"Sorry," Oscar said and rushed over to help me pick them up. "He's having a bad day today."

I gave the lion a look and he lay down on the ground as though I had commanded him.

Oscar smiled and set the remaining cards on the bench. He took a seat and reclined against the taller bench behind it. "Sometimes I think you should be the lion tamer, and not me."

"You're both just tired."

I shuffled the cards again, spread them out on the bench between us, then focused on one. Slowly, it rose over the rest of the desk.

"You're getting better," Oscar said. "How did you do that?"

I shrugged. "I've always had a knack for it and I've been practicing a lot. It's a lot better in this tent though. I wish I could come in more often."

"With the exception of today, I tend to do better when I practice in here too." He looked between me and the lion, who was focused on the cards. "What else can you do with those?"

"There's one thing I've been trying out when I can sneak in here, but I haven't shown anyone yet." I wasn’t sure if I was ready. But, just maybe…

I hovered a palm over the deck, and the card which had slid over the others floated into the air. One by one, the others followed and created a flying circle. Oscar straightened himself as he watched with interest. The lion seemed to mimic his actions and watched as well. The cards circled around and floated higher in the air as they moved toward the center of the ring. The lion sat up straighter, its eyes intent on the cards.

Oscar's jaw dropped. "Amazing."

I felt my cheeks warm. With a twirl of my finger the cards spun around the lion and he circled, following them around the ring.

"Have you shown the ringmaster this?"

I sent the cards back to us and they collapsed onto the bench. I hadn't perfected getting them into a neat stack yet. Other than that, it worked.  "We already have a magician, remember? But, I’ve been meaning to ask... I was wondering if you could help me with something."

Oscar's eyes sparkled as a mischievous smile crept across his face.

***

For once I was glad I couldn't walk, because my legs wouldn't stop shaking underneath my skirt. We had to improvise a costume at the last minute, but Oscar had found a red jacket and a top hat for me to wear over my usual white dress. If we didn't pull this off, we were going to be in so much trouble.

"You're going to be amazing," Oscar whispered as he pushed my chair toward the tent entrance.

"This was a bad idea," I said. "We've barely even practiced."

"You're going to be amazing," he repeated.

The ringleader announced Oscar's act while the crowd stomped and cheered. My fingers tingled around the deck of cards as we entered the ring, and the lion waited for us, positioned on a red stool in the center. It almost looked as though he were smiling.

I'd always dreamed of being in the spotlight, and here I was.

And I was going to be amazing.


Author Note: It may come as no surprise to anyone that I LOVED the movie, The Greatest Showman. So, when I was stuck on what to write about for this month's Flash Fiction, a friend suggested "something circusy?" To which I joked:

"You realize this may become Night Circus or Greatest Showman fan-fiction, right?"

I ended up not doing exact fan fiction. While there's some vibes going on for sure...  it became an accidental "own voices" piece. When I think about The Greatest Showman, as much as I love it and as much as the movie talks about celebrating differences between people, the characters who represented marginalized groups didn't really have as great of roles as I had hoped. Which, that's another topic for another blog post.

But, it did help to inspire what I wanted to write if I were doing a piece about the circus. Thus, the own voices. I've never shared anything fictional in public about someone with the same condition as me before. (Read this blog post to find out more about my having Osteogenesis Imperfecta.) I tried to write one during NaNoWriMo a few years ago, but it was atrocious and will never see the light of day. I've also written about characters with other disabilities, but they weren't specifically what I had, and I only have shown them to a few other writer friends. The idea of sharing this is kind of terrifying to me. However, once the idea popped into my head I couldn't get it out. In fact, I love these characters, and my friends who reviewed this story before I published it also said they loved them, and I'm considering coming back to Grace and Oscar in a future story. 

So... I hope you liked it too.

And if you haven't seen The Greatest Showman or read The Night Circus, what are you waiting for? 


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Tips for Getting A Rough Draft Done

Currently, I'm in the middle of finishing my first draft of Vampire Snow White with the goal of having it completed by the end of February. Let me tell you - it certainly is rough!

As of late, the drafting part of writing has been more challenging than usual. It's when I realize that perhaps I didn't plan my novel as well as I thought I did, I'm noticing where all of the holes in my plot/characters/world are, and I'm anxiously waiting to get it done so I can get into editing and revising to make everything all pretty the way I imagined it. 

But, drafting is also a fun part of the writing process. All of the brainstorming and outlining has been happening and now it'll all start to come together and become an actual story - not just ideas in your head. Here are my tips for getting that draft finally done.

rough draft.jpg

Just Start Writing

A lot of writers talk about writing, but never actually put words to the page. They make excuses of needing inspiration to hit, or they have to figure out a certain aspect of the book first, or their computer doesn't have the program they want, etc.

While sometimes these are all valid, there comes a point where you just have to stop making excuses, sit your ass in the chair, and put words on the page. You don't need to have a fancy writing program or wait for inspiration to hit. Experienced writers who have been doing this for awhile know that you don't wait for your muse to arrive. 

You train your muse to come to you. 

Use your computer, a notebook, a tablet, your phone, ANYTHING. Just sit down and get to work. Sometimes, you have to write a bunch of nonsense or even simply "I don't know what to write" over and over again but eventually the words will come. (Full disclosure:  it's about half way through January and I've barely written a word. Clearly, I need to take my own advice.) Which, brings me to my next point.


The Rough Draft is Going to be Bad

This is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. Writers will get discouraged that scenes aren't coming out the way they want them to, there's plot holes, and the words don't sound as pretty as they thought they would. But at this point, it's okay.

That's why it's called a ROUGH draft. 

It's supposed to be terrible. 

One of my favorite quotes about writing is from Terry Pratchett. At least according to something I saw on Pinterest, he says, "The first draft is just you telling yourself the story."

The purpose of the rough draft isn't to show it off to people and have others read it. The purpose is to get words on the page and letting yourself discover the story. When you get to editing and revising, you can worry about having it ready for others to read. 


Create a Routine

This is hard for me sometimes, because my work schedule changes from week to week. But, I try to create a routine for myself as best as I can. This is how you train your muse to come to you. Your brain will start to recognize the cues for when you're getting ready to sit and write. And a routine doesn't always have to be a specific time and place. 

Sometimes, your routine is that you always go for a walk before going to write. I've heard Brandon Sanderson say this is what he does, and it helps to clear his mind and get his focus where it needs to be when it's time to sit at the computer. 

Or maybe you have a specific writing playlist you have to listen to when you write. Your mind will start to associate that music with your writing and your muse will wake up upon hearing it. 

Maybe you have a cup of coffee or tea each time you write and that's what helps to get your mind going. 

Whatever it takes, find that sweet spot that helps you get into your writing mode.


Be Flexible

For all of my talk about routine, I'm also a firm believer in being flexible. In an ideal world, I'd have specific days and times I could sit at my computer for hours with a cup of coffee and I could fall into the world and characters for as long as I like.

I don't know about you - but my life isn't like that. Even when I have a day off there's distractions and other things to do. 

Which is why I've trained myself to be flexible. I have Scrivener downloaded on my phone so when I have an idea, or when I'm interrupted in the middle of a scene, I can go ahead and jot it down on the go. Is it ideal? Nope. But it gets the job done.

A lot of times I also end up using Google Docs to get some drafting done because I can get to it anywhere there's a computer and get my word count in for the day. 

A friend of mine who is a new mom had to adjust her routine as well, and train herself to know that when the baby is napping, it's time to write. 

Writing isn't a perfect, ideal, clean, clear-cut, process. As much as I would love it to be, it just isn't.  Being flexible I've found to be essential.


Set a Deadline

There's a reason why National Novel Writing Month works so well for so many people. It has a set deadline. Get 50,000 words done by this date. The end. A deadline is an incredible motivator.

People always say "someday I'll..." but it never happens because "someday" is an obscure time frame. If you say "On this date I'll have 'x' amount done" that's much more concrete and attainable. It's an actual goal, and not just a dream. 

But be sure it's a goal you can attain, or is realistic. For me, if I set a goal to write 100,000 words in one month, I'd get overwhelmed and quit. But, I was able to do 50,000 in November, and I know I'll need roughly another 40-50,000 to finish Vampire Snow White. This means getting that done within two months, is very much a doable goal. 

It can be hard to stick to a deadline you set for yourself if there aren't any consequences. So, I always suggest giving yourself rewards when you reach milestones. "When I have 'x' amount done, I'll get to buy a new book or take myself out to eat somewhere I usually wouldn't go." Or even a small goal like "If I get this chapter done, I can binge watch something on Netflix the rest of the day."

Whatever it takes to get it done, do it!

 

Those are my suggestions for getting a rough draft completed. What tips and tricks do you have to get a task done? 


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