Getting into Good Habits - Day Seven

Like with most things I write, the moment I hit “publish” on my last blog post, I had that immediate feeling of panic and regret. It happens each time I send a draft of a book to my editor. I want to crawl into my laptop and the depths of the Internet to grab whatever it is that I sent and say “I take it all back! Never mind!”

“Should I have said that?”

“Did I really write that sentence?”

“Should I be doing this at all?”

“I don’t have time to do this.”

“Did I really just announce to the Internet I’m in therapy?” (To be fair… it’s 2023. If you aren’t in therapy now, or never have been, you probably should be.)

“Girl, do you even know how to blog anymore?”

Alas, it’s out in the world and I guess there’s no going back now. Part of me wondered if I should even bother writing a second post since I already am not writing every single day. But, I want to get back into good habits. Habits of things that make me happy, even if it takes me awhile to get myself to do them.

It’s amazing how sometimes things you genuinely love, can be the hardest to be motivated for. The last several months I’ve been neglecting so many things that I love and are good for me. Doing yoga regularly, cleaning and organizing my spaces, and of course… writing. For awhile I had the excuse of The Forest’s Keeper coming up. That won’t work anymore.

Today, I decided I needed to get myself up and back into it. I set my alarm and got up, did yoga, cleared off my desk, and tried to write. It was only about 100 words. But they were 100 words I didn’t have before and my goal was to get back into that good habit more than a word count goal. The word count goals will come of course. Sometimes though it’s just about putting my butt back in that chair and opening up Scrivener to my work in progress.

I guess that means, I should blog too. So here I am, writing a post. It’s a short one, but it’s here. And you know, it feels good. Yoga this morning felt good as did getting those 100 words in and writing a blog. Sometimes, all you need is that little reminder of “Oh yeah… I actually like doing this” to get you back up and going.

There’s this myth about writing and creativity that you have to wait for your muse to arrive or for inspiration to hit. Then all of the sudden, the words (or whatever art you’re creating) will magically flow out of you in a flood. Maybe sometimes it’s that way. I’ve had those times when I can’t stop writing because the ideas have to escape my brain or else I’ll explode.

You know when I get the most writing, and best writing done though?

When I’ve been doing it on a regular basis and have a goal. The NaNoWriMo months. The times I’m on a deadline. The moments where I have a routine established and I’m regularly (not necessarily daily) sitting at my laptop and putting words on the page, even if it’s only a few. Its like when I do yoga. When I only practice it every few weeks or months, each session is tough and harder to do. Then, when I get back into the routine, my body remembers and each time it gets better and is more fulfilling. Writing is the exact same way. It can be tough to do and the first few sessions are a little painful. But the more often I sit there with my laptop, the more the words flow. The muscles in my creative brain turn on again and in time, the words come. My hope is that will happen with this blog too.

When Writing is A Battle

I’m in high school and trying to think of a book idea.

I’d played around with novels in the past and always said I wanted to be an author, but I wanted to sit down and really do it. I mean… I was fourteen years old for crying out loud. SE Hinton had her first book written when she was 15 and published when she was 18. Clearly, I had to get going.

There was the age old advice of “write what you know” and I always rolled my eyes at it. What I knew was so boring. Until my sister points out “you know the story of Snow White better than anyone. Why don’t you just write about that?”

Well… now there’s an idea.

It’s a few years post college and I have an incredibly rough draft complete of this old idea about Snow White I once had.

Having put my writing aspirations aside as a hobby and only participating in NaNoWriMo and toying with edits in exchange for focusing on a different career path, I realize I’m tired of keeping my writing on the side. I have so many other ideas. More characters and worlds to explore. I can’t not write anymore.

But… this book is not good.

For someone who played around with it periodically in high school in college it’s just fine. As an actual publishable novel? Not at all.

And I’m okay with this.

I set the book aside and work on something brand new.

It’s a couple years later.

I’ve completed and revised a book and queried it out to agents. Nothing happened with it. While I’m sad and disappointed, as I look through the manuscript I know there’s so much work to be done on it and to be frank - there wasn’t a market for this genre at the moment. Maybe I can return to it someday.

Yet, I don’t have anything else to work on.

As I sit in my living room watching TV an idea hits me like a lightning bolt. It has to do with Snow White. But… different.

No. NO WAY. I can’t go back to my terrible terrible book from high school. BAD IDEA.

But…

The same skeleton of the Snow White tale is there (obviously) and the same with the love interest. Yet… there’s more. A completely new turn. A new story. Sure, use the same character names if they still work. But this isn’t just revising a terrible old draft. It’s something new.

It’s August of 2018 and there’s two weeks to go until the PitchWars deadline.

My Snow White novel isn’t complete. It’s close, but, there’s so many more words to write than I’m used to in such a short period of time.

Yet… maybe I could do it.

Would it be hard?

For sure.

Is it possible though? Am I crazy enough to go for it?

I set a schedule for myself where I wake up early each morning before my 7am clock in time for work. When I get home, I write even more. Sometimes from the moment I get home to the moment I go to bed only to start it all over again the next morning. I cancel plans with friends and have to back out of meetings. I talk to my supervisor about my goal and they’re kind enough to let me leave early the day before my deadline and have the whole next day off so I can get it done.

With a few hours to spare - the book is done. The last half isn’t perfect. The last quarter is a hot mess. But it’s done. I’m completely and utterly exhausted and I never want to look at a computer screen ever again. I also have never been more proud of myself regardless of the outcome.

Submit.

It’s April 2019 and I’m still revising.

I didn’t get picked for PitchWars - but I later learned I did get attention. Someone helps guide me through how to revise. I read a book about plotting. I outline, write and edit, reoutline then rewrite and reedit. I get started, then there’s times for weeks I can barely look at the page.

Each time I have a break through a roadblock appears. Even if it’s just one I’ve created in my own head. I think I have it all though through then when I go to write my mind completely blanks out.

I’ve cut so many words and added even more words only to have them cut again.

I know this is how the revision process goes, but it doesn’t feel like I’m making any. I know it’s being made, but my heart won’t accept this fact.

Other novel ideas are floating around in my head and it’s so tempting to just say “well… I tried that time for something else.” I want to dig through those stories and characters. I want to take all that I’ve learned and maybe, just maybe, this time around it’ll be better.

It’ll be easier.

But if I stopped one book and started a new one every time it got hard I would never have anything complete. So, I keep going.

Then I doubt myself. “What if this wasn’t such a brilliant idea in the first place? What if there isn’t really anything to salvage out of this? Do I really want to waste my time on a book that’s never going to be great? Maybe you were never meant to publish a book. You’ve been talking about this literally your entire life and you still can’t even get revisions on this one book done.”

There’s a literary agent/writer I follow on Twitter, Eric Smith, and he tweeted several weeks ago “The book of your heart is worth fighting for.”

In case you're a writer who needs to hear this...

The book of your heart is worth fighting for.

— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) March 16, 2019

Is this Snow White novel the book of my heart? It might be. Although, I wonder if there is even a single “book of your heart.” I think you might have a few. They all just each explore a different part of your heart. I think this book is one of the books of my heart.

I keep trying to remind myself that if this is the case, it’s worth the fight and the battle. The days of self-doubt and frustration. All of it will be worth it.

Maybe I should shoot for only 100 words a day. Even if it’s not much progress, it’s at least something on days when my brain can’t work any more. Maybe I should set another hard and fast goal to force myself to get it done and stop making excuses. Maybe if I make one more outline it’ll work itself out.

Maybe this

Maybe that

Try this

Try that

Yet… it’s still not done.

Why isn’t it done?

I know I don’t have a timeline and I can’t compare myself to the routines of other people because every has their own process. In spite of knowing this, I can’t help but keep asking myself “Why can’t I just figure it out and get it done?”

There’s something that’s going to be special and unique about this book. There has to be. Something in me says to keep going and keep digging through the muck and I’ll find something special. For some reason, it’s not coming out yet.

I know writing and revising is hard. Most of us writers know this. But when we’re actually in the middle of it, we (or at least I) start to wonder “Is it supposed to be this hard?”

The book of your heart is worth fighting for.

So, I’m trying. And I’m fighting. Even if I don’t hit my word count goal each day. Even if end up deleting all of the scenes that I’ve already written and I have to start some of them (or all of them) over. Camp NaNoWriMo and spring arriving with it’s sunshine helps. Talking with other writers and my CPs helps. But it’s hard right now. It’s been hard for several months now.

But I can’t stop fighting for this book.

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How to Be Productive During the Holidays

So here’s a thing: in the US, Thanksgiving is next week.

Say what?

Yeah, that was my reaction too when I looked at my calendar. I’m already behind for NaNoWriMo but felt pretty relaxed about it. “I totally have time to catch up on my word count!” Then I realized Thanksgiving was next week and all of the sudden reality hit me. My neice’s birthday was this past weekend, this upcoming weekend my family is heading out of town to celebrate my grandpa’s birthday, then BOOM! It’s Thanksgiving. Then we’ll be full swing into Christmas.

I do not have nearly as much time on my hands to catch up on my word count as I thought. On top of it there’s blog posts to write, books to read and review, presents to buy, food to cook… as much as I love the holiday season, it also can be pretty stressful and hectic.

What’s a person to do when they have a to-do list a million miles long, but in reality all they really want to do is curl up with some hot chocolate and watch Hallmark Christmas movies? Here’s some ideas:

Be Realistic

Every year for NaNoWriMo I swear I’ll get writing done on Thanksgiving. “Even for just a few minutes! I can get some words in!”

Do I get writing done on Thanksgiving?

Nope.

It’s just not a realistic goal for me. As you’re preparing for all that you need to do and determine what you can actually do. For me, that means on major holidays I’m not going to get anything extra done, so I need to work extra hard the days before so I can have fun later.

Or maybe you had a goal of reading a certain number of books in one month and you need to cut that number down. Maybe you need to cut back on the number of projects you work on through these next several weeks. Maybe it’s not realistic for EVERYONE on your gift list to receive a handmade item by you.

Work Ahead

Yes, this will require some planning. (Which is why I’m writing this post before Thanksgiving.) But once you get the leg work done, it’ll be so helpful!

For me - this meant planning out and writing all of my blog posts for the remainder of the year. Yup. I have every blog post from now through December (and even the start of January) planned. I’ll have them all written before Thanksgiving hits (if not before) save for the ones which are more time sensitive.

Example: I can’t finish my November Reading Round-Up until November is over. However, I can write each review for the books I complete right after I finish them so I’m not cramming it all in at the last minute.

This way, I don’t have anything to worry about blog-wise while I’m trying to enjoy the holiday festivities.

Be Flexible and Make Compromises

This weekend was my niece’s first birthday, which meant we were busy with presents, decorations, and spending time with friends and family. Good times were had by all! Going in, I had a plan for catching up on my writing. I got a lot done that morning, and once I got home after the party I’d get even more done. Then… friends decided to hang out more afterward and through the evening. I really wanted to go. But, I had words to write.

I ended up compromising.

I didn’t go out with my friends, but I did help watch my niece so my sister and brother-in-law could. I was able to bring my laptop and sit in the living room while my niece slept. (Or rather, played in her playpen because each time we put her down she cried.) I didn’t get quite as many words in as I planned, but I got far more than I would have if I went out.

Then this upcoming weekend, I plan on bringing my laptop with me while my family and I road trip for my grandpa’s birthday. If possible, I’ll be writing while others are driving.

Is it ideal? Nope. But, I’ll still get more done than if I were to skip those days of productivity.

Remember It Doesn’t Need to be Perfect

We get this image in our minds of the perfect holiday seasons. Nothing goes right, the tree looks just so, the presents are all wrapped in a timely fashion, and we can sip eggnog by the fire at the end of each day.

Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out like that. And that’s okay.

You need to learn to forgive yourself for when things aren’t completely perfect. The last sentence you wrote for your novel might not be the most brilliant piece of literature ever written. The tinsel on the Christmas tree might get clumped up a bit. You might not reach your book reading goal for the year.

All of this is okay. As long as you’re taking care of yourself, there’s a roof over your head, the kids are alive, priorities are in order, and you’re spending time with the people you care about, you’re doing a great job.

What goals do you need/want to complete the next several weeks during this busy time? What’s your action plan or any advice for people who need to get through their own to-do list?

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Tooting My Own Horn

I’ve never been good at choices. Even with seemingly simple things, if I think too hard or have too many options, my completely freeze up. Back in college picking a table to sit at in the dining hall was always a dilemma and drove my friends nuts. (There were just a lot of people I liked to have meals with, okay???? If my usual group of friends weren’t eating at the same time I was, it made picking a table very difficult.) Even now, when one of my friends and I try to decide on where to hang out after church we both slightly panic and then usually end up going to one of the same places we always go simply because it’s easier than making any other choice.

I’m always in that classic dilemma of “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Needless to say, if I can’t even make a decision on where to eat or hang out on a certain day, when presented with bigger questions such as “what do you want to do in your life” or “where do you see yourself in 5 years” leave me completely overwhelmed.

I’m sorry, but how do I know that what I want now will be the same thing I want in 5 years? Just look at my career history for example. All through college I knew for sure that I wanted to be a youth minster. I did that for 5 1/2 years… for at least 2 of those years I was wondering if that was what I really wanted and ended up leaving that career path.

I’ve never been one for bucket lists and writing down my goals.

Yet lately, I’ve been wondering if it’s something I should be doing. One of my favorite bloggers, Helene In Between, on her blog the last few weeks has been talking a lot about getting what you want in life, making bucket lists, and reaching your goals. Then, this week I picked up the book Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis.* They’re both basically saying, if you want something, then find a way to get it.

As much as I avoid making choices and setting five year plans and all of that, I still have to admit there are things I want in life. Things I want to accomplish and goals to achieve. So, making that list for myself is a project I’m working on for myself. The goals might change over time, and that’s okay. But there is merit to writing them down because they become more tangible. Something that “yes, I am going to do this.” Whether I share this list or not, who knows. But it’s a start.

In this vein, Helene wrote a blog post about her bucket list and what she’s done and what she still hopes to do in life. I’ll admit, I tend to get a bit jealous as I read her blog and browse her Instagram account. If you don’t follow her - you should, but be prepared for major travel envy. She and her husband live in Germany and she’s a full time travel blogger. So many times I think “why can’t my life be like that?”

Then, something interesting happened. I read through her bucket list and some of the things she hopes to do one day and more than once I thought “Oh, I’ve done that.”

Yup. Little me who lives a completely boring life, works an hourly job, lives with her parents, who is perpetually single, doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t travel often, has done several items on Helene’s bucket list that she hasn’t gotten to yet.

Say whaaaaaaa?

It was kind of a cool feeling. (Not that we should be comparing our lives to others, and maybe this seems super shallow and selfish of me, but I was kind of excited. Sue me.)

It made me think back on the last 32 years a little differently.

Then, as I was reading Girl, Wash Your Face, one of the things she suggested the reader do is to write down the things they’ve accomplished. (She’s also mentioned writing down your goals.) We as women I think have a hard time with this. We don’t want to brag or seem to full of ourselves. But, we should celebrate and acknowledge these things. Even if they seem small.

So…. I sat down this morning and started a list of all of the things I’ve done so far in my life. Yes, I started with the things on Helene’s bucket list that I’ve done because I’m shallow like that.

To be honest, once I got going, this list was much easier to make than the one of what I hope to accomplish. Which was kind of awesome.

Here it is. I am tooting my own horn and saying “LOOK AT WHAT I DID.” We all have gifts, opportunities, and talents we’ve been given, and we need to use them. We can celebrate what we’ve done with our lives, even if it seems simple.

• Written 2 novels in 5 years (both were over 100k words)

• Queried one novel

• Won NaNoWriMo 9 times

• Sung in Pearl Harbor, the first Christian church in Hawaii, and on TV (thanks to my high school choir director)

• Performed in Disney World, Toronto, Michigan State University, state competitions, and local band competitions (thanks to my high school band director)

• Performed in 5+ local theatre productions

• Been paid to play/teach music

• Built a youth program

• Became a godmother

• Rescued an animal

• Read over 100 books in a year

• Seen a show on Broadway

• Met Broadway stars Samantha Barks, Steve Kazee, and Tony Baracco

• Met the following authors: VE Schwab, Becky Albertalli, Laini Taylor, Jay Kristoff, Amie Kauffman, Keira Cass, Leonard Sweet (we shared a golf cart at a conference once), and Stephanie Perkins

• Seen John and Hank Green live

• Seen Blake Mycoskie (the founder of Toms) speak live

• Met cast members of Gilmore Girls and This is Us

• Watched the sun rise on a mountain in the Appalachians

• Graduated college (this is a privilege I think too many of us take for granted)

• Seen Hamilton (I’ve seen several musicals, but considering how these tickets even here in Chicago can be super hard to get, I’m proud of this fact)

• Gone 8 years without a major injury (for someone with my bone condition, this is a BIG deal)

• Been on several service and missions trips

• Learned to play 5 instruments (one self taught)

• Traveled/Lived in the following states:

  • Illinois

  • Indiana

  • Missouri

  • California

  • Hawaii

  • New York

  • Alabama (Including going to Selma and seeing the inspiration for To Kill a Mockingbird and other important places relating to the civil rights movement)

  • Iowa

  • Louisiana

  • Florida (gone to Disney, The Magical World of Harry Potter, and Panama City Beach multiple times)

  • Minnesota

  • Michigan

  • South Carolina

  • Virginia

  • Ohio

  • Kentucky

There you have it, things I’ve accomplished in my life. Honestly, I think it’s a good list. Granted, we shouldn’t judge ourselves and our worth based on what we’ve checked off of a list or if our lists are longer than others, or anything like that. But, I do think that it’s a nice little confidence booster.

Because guess what? You’re awesome. You can, and have, do things! Awesome things! Even if they seem small.

I encourage you to make a list too. Even if there are only a few items on the list, but I think as you get going, you’ll surprise yourself. I know I did.

Because if I can accomplish all of this, then I can accomplish other things too, and so can you.

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If We Were Having Coffee

Good morning, friends! 

For the most part, my life lately has been looking pretty much the same. Work, write, read, sleep, repeat. But, when I go out and see friends I still find there's things to talk about. So... a quick life update for you!

If we were having coffee... I'd order my usual iced vanilla latte. Or if I have a sweet tooth, some sort of mocha frappachino! However, as September comes closer and closer you know I have my eye out for when the pumpkin spice latte will be released for the season! I know it's slightly early but... I love me some PSL because I'm super basic. I am over the heat and ready for fall! Or at least temperatures in the 70s. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how my family and I are moving - again. We moved into the condo we're in last year, and now we're going to a rented house. The house itself is nice (needs some updating) and we should be able to stay there for awhile, which is great! But, moving is such a pain and while the location isn't bad - it's not my ideal. It's okay though. I'm warming up to the idea and again the house itself is nice. I'm looking forward to setting up my new room and work space.

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm slightly taking a step back from reading. I finished two or three books right away at the start of the month, but now I've been working on the same book for almost a week! And it's not even that long of a book! (So basically... I'm reading at the same pace as everyone else, haha.) It's weird, but I've been focusing on writing and other things lately. Which, I think is a good thing. Don't get me wrong- I don't expect this to last long. But, it's different.

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how unhealthy I've been lately. I completely fell off the yoga train, and I don't have an appetite. Then, when I do have an appetite, I end up eating a whole bag of chips and don't have an actual meal. Then, I feel awful about myself. It's not that I need to go on an extreme diet or work out every single day or anything like that. But, I do need to get out of this bad cycle I'm in. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm on a slight social media hiatus. Mostly Twitter and Facebook (I'm having a harder time letting go of Instagram...) because I'm getting closer to completing this draft. If I can get myself to focus, having it done by the end of August is doable. My direct messages for all social media are still open so people can always reach me there, and I might pop in for things like #PitchWars and #ThursdayAesthetic but my hope is to step back so I can focus. At least for the time being. We'll see how long it lasts. 

If we were having coffee... I'd share with you pictures of my niece because I'm that person. She just turned 9 months, has her first tooth, and pulled herself up to standing in her crib! She's just so stinking cute. 

If we were having coffee... I'd gush about how I'm listening to Johnathan from Queer Eye's podcast, "Getting Curious." I'm OBSESSED. I'm listening to all of the episodes where he interviews the other cast members of Queer Eye and I can't wait to get to the rest of them. Basically, each episode he picks something he's curious about and interviews someone who is an expert in that field. I loved the episode about Renaissance Art and now I totally want to go wander around the Art Institute for a few hours. Can all of the guys from Queer Eye just be my BFFs? Cause seriously. They're amazing. 

Honestly, that's about it for me! Life is pretty steady at the moment, and I have a novel to finish. 

How is your life lately? If we were on a coffee date, what would we talk about?

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Pitch Wars Boost My Bio

Well, hello there! It is Pitch Wars season and I am excited! (Ready? Not so much. But the excitement is there!) Not sure what Pitch Wars is? Click here to find out more! It's basically The Voice for writers and it's amazing. 

I participated in Pitch Wars for the first time last year and submitted my urban fantasy novel, Guardians of the City. It didn't go anywhere, but it was such an awesome experience! I connected with already established authors (one of them I'm now part of her "brigade" on Facebook and months after Pitch Wars another author DM'd me on Twitter to help give me feedback on my first chapter and some other writing/publishing advice) and other aspiring authors like myself. 

I'm currently working on another project and want to submit it this year! To be completely honest - I'm not sure if it's going to be ready in time. It's highly doubtful it will be. However, I am working my tail off to have it done by the end of August and I'm doing everything I can to prepare and connect with the Pitch Wars community. Which is why for the first time I'm participating in Boost my Bio! (You can learn more about that by clicking here. It is 100% optional for Pitch Wars Participants!)

About My Book

Title: White Rose

Genre: Fantasy/Fairy Tale Retelling

Summary:  I've nick-named this project my "fairy tale mash-up" because it is a blend of six fairy tales with four different points of view. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs has always been my favorite, and I've written a few different versions of her tale. But, there's also another story called Snow White and Rose Red. A different Snow White, and this one is about sisters. I wondered, "what if they were the same Snow White?" Then, one by one, Rapunzel, Cinderella, Red Riding Hood, and Beauty and the Beast all found their way in as well. 

Princesses Eira and Rose may be almost as opposite as can be, but they are also as close as two sisters can get. Eira, the poised and elegant heir to the throne, as well as the goddess Luana's Chosen. Then Rose, the wild and temperamental girl with a deformed ankle who dreams of being in the royal guard.  When their father is poisoned and left in a sleeping death spell, they find themselves on the run for their lives from the queen and on a quest to find the cure. 

What to Expect: Magic and interaction with the deities. (Including magic tattoos!) Classic fairy tale elements. Dragons. Wolves. Talking bears. Adventure. Women who kick ass - but aren't always killers. Relationships between siblings, children to parents and grandparents, friends, and romance. (A LOT of romance.)

About Me

My name is Emily, I'm a proud Hufflepuff in my early 30s in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, graduated from Concordia University Chicago, work at a hotel, dog mom, actual fairy godmother, Starbucks addict, and 9/10 times NaNoWriMo winner. You'll usually find me reading, playing my ukulele, binge watching something on Netflix, or belting out show tunes/pretending I can rap along with the Hamilton cast. If you give me any combination of coffee, chocolate, and nachos, I'll be your BFF. I'm also on a constant mission to find the perfect budget friendly lipstick. 

You can see my "official" head shot in my About Me page but... it's also 2 years old and I've changed my hair since then. So... here's a recent selfie.

Favorite Books (Some of Them):

• The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling
• The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
• The Greatest Knight by Elizabeth Chadwick
• The Chicagoland Vampires Series by Chloe Neill
• The Throne of Glass Series by Sarah J Maas
• The Nevernight Chronicles by Jay Kristoff
• Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli
• Song of Blood and Stone by L. Penelope
• The Queen's Rising by Rebecca Ross
• An Extraordinary Union by Alyssa Cole
• A Night to Surrender by Tessa Dare
• The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee
• The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
• Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
• His Fair Assassin Trilogy by Robin LaFevers

Favorite TV Shows:

• Boy Meets World
• Friends
• Glee
• How I Met Your Mother (not the finale)
• Reign
• Vampire Diaries
• Doctor Who
• Sherlock
• Gilmore Girls
• Queer Eye
• Firefly
• The Tudors

Favorite Movies:

• Anything Disney
• Mama Mia!
• 10 Things I Hate About You
• Clueless
• Letters to Juliet
• The Princess Diaries
• Mirror, Mirror
• Rent
• Wonder Woman
• Love, Simon
• When Harry Met Sally
• Love Actually

I can't wait to see everyone else's Boost Your Bio posts and to get to know you all! 

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Thoughts On Turning A Year Older

***Author's Note:  I debated on if I should edit/revise this blog post because as I read it back to myself, I realized it was such a "downer." But, I'm not going to, because it's real. I think it still ends on a hopeful note though.***

I had a lovely birthday last week.

It was filled with well-wishes posted on my Facebook, spending time with my family and friends, seeing a musical (Waitress, it was fabulous!), free Starbucks, gifts, great food, and relaxation. I couldn't have asked for more. 

Then once the (in this case, symbolic) confetti falls, the balloons are popped, and the cake is eaten, life returns to normal. 

It happens this way each year. Even as a child you're so excited for your birthday to arrive and you realize that you don't feel all that different at the age of 10 as you did when you were 9. Yet, each year we think it will be different. We'll feel more mature. We'll be smarter than we were before. We'll be more relevant and important. Or we worry we'll be less relevant and not as important as we once were.  We think "this will be the year I..." But not much changes. Not really. The daily routine stays the same and life goes on.

Getting older is a wonderful thing. It's a gift many people do not get to receive, and I am grateful. I lived another year, and from what I can tell I'll live for another one. It's great.

But, I still can't help but feel slightly "ho-hum" about the whole thing. It's not that I don't like my life, who I am, or how I was able to celebrate. It's all wonderful. I know I've accomplished a lot in my life and I'm blessed. As I think about it, I realize as you get older, sometimes it's more difficult to measure said accomplishments and blessings.

When you're a child, you can see your progress. With my niece for example, each month she looks different. She's doing something she hadn't before. She's growing in a new way.

When you get a little older, there's other accomplishments. You finished Kindergarten and now you move onto the 1st grade. You go from elementary school to junior high. You were on the junior varsity team, and now you're on varsity. High school is completed and then you move onto college, a job, the military, etc. You can more easily track your progress in life.

As an adult, those milestones don't come as frequently for many of us. When I think back on my life and where I was when I wrote my birthday post last year, save for my niece being born (which is more of a milestone for my sister and brother-in-law, not me), not a whole lot has changed. A lot of us don't have a lot of change year to year I don't think. Particularly if you aren't getting married and having children. 

Not that I want those things or envy those who do. If I were married right now, it would be to someone who wasn't good for me, nor I for them. If I had a baby right now they would be born into not the most ideal of situations. 

Career-wise though, unless you're getting promotions and new positions each year, that also is difficult to look back and think that you've accomplished something. Perhaps little projects here and there, or a challenge might come up at work you solve, but overall, things stay the same. 

I've never been one for the big "five year plans" or anything like that. I remember in college our professors would ask us about where we saw ourselves in a few years. While, for the most part I did have a vision for what I saw. (Probably working at a church as a youth director, my BFFs on staff with me, either dating someone or married to another church worker.) But, I never wanted to share a concrete "this is what I want" because part of me knew that things change. Your plan doesn't always go the way you think it will and God points you in new directions. 

Well... I did not stick to those plans I had for myself back in college. Thankfully. 

Or when I moved back to Chicago I may have had an idea of "After a year or two I'll be writing full time" or "I'll be working in a bookshop" etc. But, I was open to possibilities and didn't have an exact plan. Just willing to let God lead me where he thought I should go.

Yet, sometimes I wonder if there is some merit to creating those five year plans. Because then maybe at least you would have something you're striving for and as each year passes. You can look back and say "I did X, Y, and Z so I can get to..."

Then again - life changes and you can't always predict where you're going to go. I can proclaim "I will have a book deal by the time I'm..." until I'm blue in the face. But honestly? It's not something I can control. (Traditional publishing takes forever. So even if I were to randomly get a book deal at a certain time, it would still be at least another year until the book hits shelves.) Even goals I create for myself that I can control, don't always work the way I think they will. I planned to have a complete draft of a novel done by spring. Then, major writers block happened, and I switched gears. 

I'm not sure if I'm exactly in a rut. Because when I think about other people in my life we're all somewhat in the same type of situation. Life keeps moving on, even if we don't see the big achievements all of the time. I don't see them as being in a rut - so why would I be?

It's more of being on a straight open path and you keep moving forward.  Like driving from Missouri to Chicago. It's a lot of flat land and not many landmarks. But, you're still moving forward. The only difference is that I'm not 100% sure what my destination is. I have a general idea of where I think I'm going, but there could be a turn ahead that I'm not aware of yet and I'll end up somewhere completely different.

So, I'm not sure where my mind is this year for my birthday. I don't have any particular feelings about getting older. I'm simply here, still living and still moving.

Which even that, is a gift.

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My Not-So-Glamorous Writing Life

"So... what else do you do other than read and write?" my friend asked me with a laugh.

I laughed along with her. "Nothing!"

Over the weekend I had a rare night out with some friends. It was ladies night at her jewelry store and we got to peruse and try on jewelry we would never be able to afford. We looked through their book of charms to see if there were any that matched my interests and hobbies. Of course, the first things that came to mind where books and writing. It was hard for me to think of other things I enjoy and do that could be portrayed in a charm.

Now, I do have more interests than books. I love my dog, coffee, theatre, etc. But most of the time, all I do once I get home from work is read and write. Then on my days off, beyond my day-to-day errands, I spend it reading and writing. I don't even get out to go write at a coffee shop or something often these days.

Quite frankly, the life of someone aspiring to be a published author isn't all that glamorous or exciting. In fact, I've been told that even when you are published, life isn't glamorous or exciting. I was listening to Mindy McGinnis' podcast, Writer Writer Pants on Fire, one day, and she shared about the day she got her agent. (Or maybe it was when her book sold, I can't remember which.) She said that she got the phone call and she was so excited!

Then she had to go change her cat's litter box.

So glamorous and exciting, right?

I peruse Instagram everyday, and I see other bloggers and writers showing off their photos. They're traveling! Going to coffee shops! Finding the cutest little boutique! Eating ice cream in the sunshine! Showing off their new book covers! Life! Is! So! Great!

My life looks nothing like this. 

Now, I'm fully aware that these photos are staged and intentionally made in a way to showcase the highlights. Most of these people's day to day isn't like this at all. But I take a look around and I think "I don't even have something I can manipulate into a pretty picture to make you think my life is super Instagram and blog-worthy."

I mean, there's only so many ways I can take a photo of my keyboard and coffee mug. 

As much as we like to aspire to the dream of being a super glamourous writer who takes their laptops to adorable coffee shops, typing away with grand and beautiful ideas, gasp-worthy plot points, dreaming up swoony love scenes, and heart-wrenching moments to make you cry and the perfect writing music is playing in the background, this just isn't how it is. 

My writing routine mainly consists of this:

• Staring at my computer screen
• Searching Spotify because I can't decide what music I'm in the mood for
• Staring at the pictures on my wall
• Typing a few words then deleting them, writing words, deleting them again, etc.
• Pacing my bedroom until I can get inspiration or the one word I'm searching for comes to me
• Flipping through my notebook cause I can't remember what I named a certain kingdom 
• Scrolling through Pinterest because I just CAN'T write until I have the perfect model to inspire me for a character
• Searching the kitchen for a snack
• Replying to messages from my writing group
• Telling my dog to get off my lap so I can type
• Getting a couple of paragraphs done
• Repeat

So, when people ask me how the book is going, or what's new in my life... I'm at a loss for words. The book is going well, but I don't necessarily have anything to show for it right now. If I ever do, it's going to be several months. Maybe even years. As for what's new in my life, not a whole lot because supposedly my book is going well. When it's going well, that basically means I'm in my writing hole and don't emerge from it often. 

Even if going well is me staring at the computer screen.

Earlier this year I was talking with a group of friends from church about my "work, go home, write, read, go to sleep, do it all again the next day" routine, it felt like one or two people kind of pitied me. 

Which, I can see that. It is pretty boring, and I guess I can say that I'm in a "life rut."

But at the same time, I also know this is how it goes when it comes to completing a novel. It takes a long time, and it's not super exciting. Yes, I want to go out more. I want to see my friends more often. I want "adventure in the great wide somewhere" as Belle would sing. Part of who I am is getting out and being around people. The whole "I really am an extrovert" thing. 

On the other hand, I'm learning to accept that this process isn't going to look exciting. Most of the time, it's going to appear to be pretty boring. That's just how it is.

Which, I struggle with sometimes. There are days I don't mind, and there are days where it does bother me. I'm not sure what the answer is though. 

What about you? Do you find that you get stuck in a routine and unsure of how to get out of it? What aspects of your life do you find really boring? What do you think would surprise people about your day-to-day routine?

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What to do About Dating Part 1: Standards

Valentines Day is coming up, so what better time than now to talk about dating?

In my case, it's more of a lack of dating, but not because I haven't tried. Swipe right, swipe left, trying to think of something clever to say, do I actually give this random guy my phone number, do we meet, where do we meet, what if we have nothing to talk about, what if he turns out to be a jerk... it's exhausting. 

The problem doesn't lie in meeting people from the internet. At least not for me. Thanks to blogging, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, etc. I've gotten to know a ton of people through the Internet,  met them "in real life," and consider some to be dear friends.

With dating, there's so much more to sort through, jerks to avoid, and awkward conversations to endure.  Thankfully, the most recent app I've been using has updated their messaging system, and it's made things much better thus far. I'm avoiding a lot more of the guys I'm not interested in and able to focus on the ones I am. Hooray! 

But... that doesn't mean my problems are solved. Not by a long shot. It's high time I talked about them. 

Leading up to the big V-Day, I'm doing a 3 part series on my experiences with dating.

1. Standards
2. Being Upfront
3. Stories

This is by no means a series where I'm dishing out advice on how to make your dating profile amazing, what to do or what to talk about on dates, or the best pick up lines. I'm the last person for that.

This series is more about the thoughts I've been having when it comes to dating. Talking about the dilemmas I've faced. Sharing some funny stories. Things like that. 

As I write today's topic, I'm going to try and be as inclusive as I can. I will talk about being straight/cis woman/Christian because that is the particular perspective I come from and those are my experiences. However, I will still try to make this as relateable as possible no matter your orientation, gender, religion, etc. I'd love to hear different views and stories. So, feel free to share them in the comments, or email directly at eehornburg [at] gmail [dot] com. 

This also means you'll be getting a bonus blog post this week on Thursday with my January Reading Round-Up! (I wouldn't forget about that!) I also might have a bonus Flash Fiction story up on Friday. So, those of you who subscribe via email, your inboxes are going to be full this week!

The standards and expectations bring into relationships are fascinating. We all have images in our minds of what our partner will be like and set deal breakers for what will and will not work in a relationship. (Or hook up - whatever you're looking for!) What works for one person is a complete turn off for another and vise versa.

I wish I could tell you the pattern I have when it comes to swiping left or right. Some days, I'm stingy and don't like a single profile that comes across my screen. Other days, I'm in a generous mood and give almost every guy a chance. (I usually come to regret that later.) It feels so random and depends on my mood. 

I do have a few rules when it comes to giving a guy a chance. They're somewhat shallow like height (I'm 4'2... every guy towers over me, but even I have a limit), or I don't like the photo, if we have common interests, if they're hold a dog in their photo, how much they add in their profile, etc. But even with those things, there's still times I'll pass or accept and break these rules.

I guess they aren't really rules. More like guidelines.

I mean... just the other day I was chatting with a man who's profile said he was 6'5.

It makes me wonder, what is an actual deal breaker when it comes to dating and relationships? And when is it, if ever, okay to bend those rules we make for ourselves?

I'm not just talking about things like height, hair color, or if every single interest you have IS THE EXACT SAME. I'm talking about the big stuff. Religion, do you want a family, personalities complimenting each other, do you want the same things in life, politics, etc. 

The more I talk to men and swipe through the apps, the more I think about this, and how some of my deal breakers have changed. And if they should continue to change. 

Example:  a few years ago how someone voted may have played a role in who I was interested in, but ultimately, if they were a good person I was willing to be lenient if we didn't agree. Now, in light of the last few years, you bet your ass someone's political beliefs are a deal breaker for me. 

When we go into a relationship, compromises happen all of the time. I've seen them happen. One person vows they'll never get married or have children, then a few years later they're married with a baby. One person smokes but when they find someone they want a relationship with and they say "I don't date smokers" suddenly you see them with a nicotine patch on their arm. Another person may say that they never want to live with someone before they get married, but eventually move in with their partner before a ring is on their finger.

And all of these people are happy and comfortable with the choices they've made. 

So, what's the deal? When did they change their mind and how did they become comfortable with it?

For me, my big deal breaker has always been faith. I grew up in a traditional Lutheran household, went to a small Lutheran elementary school and university, worked in the church for five years, and always imagined I would end up with someone who shares the same faith as me.

But then, as I talk to guys, I've found I'm just as wary (if not more so) to try dating someone who is a Christian than those who aren't. A lot of times, it's the Christian men who have more of an issue with the fact that I have a disability (more on that at another time), and for the non-Christians it's totally fine. Or politically and socially I have more in common with the non-Christians than the Christians. (I'm not even talking about strictly Lutherans either.) I worry more about the Christian men judging due to the topics and characters I write about in my novels. It makes me wonder if I should open my sphere of men I should be interested in.

On the other hand, if my faith is something that is so important and such a large role in my life, is that something a future partner or spouse should share?

This doesn't have to be just about faith and religion - this simply is the big issue I personally come across. I'm sure people who aren't Christian, many times have the same questions about their own morals/ethics/standards/deal breakers as well.

As anyone would do, I took to the Internet with my question.

It struck up a great conversation, and I loved all of the comments and input I received. There are a lot of women just like me, who are strong Christians, but find dating to be a complete nightmare. Just hearing them say that they understood where I was coming from and were having the same issues as me was a tremendous comfort.

There were also, as I expected, people who encouraged me and shared Bible verses and experiences about dating other Christians. Then talked about praying about it and leaving it up to God. Which, I also appreciated and understood. I know the same verses and prayers and advice. Yet... it kinda of made me feel like Alexander Hamilton as he's rap battling with Thomas Jefferson.

And then I feel guilty for feeling this way - because I know they have the greatest of intentions and as I said, I totally get and see where they're coming from.

But, I see the people in my life that I know who married someone who doesn't share the same faith as them, and they're happy. It works for them. A friend privately messaged me and was like "you make compromises and religion was one of mine" and she's happy. When talking with another friend she said that yes, she thinks sharing that is what works best, but also that there's no harm in getting to know someone. There are a lot of people who marry those who don't share their faith. They're still Christian. They still go to church. The world hasn't ended.

Yet, I also had friends say that they would hate for me to let go of my standards and settle.

So, when is someone compromising and being realistic, and when is someone letting go of their standards and settling?

Okay... I know what some of you are thinking. "OMG WHO IS THE AMAZING GUY YOU MET THAT IS MAKING YOU CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS ON DATING?"

There is no one particular guy. I'm still single. I'm not seeing anyone specifically. 

Do I need to shout it for the people in the back? No? Okay, good.

These are simply thoughts I've been having as I fall down this rabbit hole of dating. I've been talking to a lot of different guys, and I've noticed there's a lot of them who don't fit that original image I had of who I'd want to end up with. Does that mean I don't give them a shot? I'm not sure.

Now, I ask you all, because I have zero answers or solutions. I'm sure ultimately, it's up to each individual person and couple. There is no one answer. But still, I'm curious.

What are your deal breakers when it comes to relationships? What are you willing to compromise? Have you found yourself changing your deal breakers as time goes on? What's surprised you about dating? Please, lend some insight to someone who hasn't given up on the idea of romance quite yet! 

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Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!