Creating a Writing Retreat - A Guide

WRITING RETREATS.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard about these mystical and magical events where other people emerge from their dark writing caves filled with caffeine, blink into the light, and gather together to…

Lock themselves into a house also filled with caffeine and write ALL OF THE WORDS and actually get things done.

But seriously I’ve seen different writers post about how they and their friends get together for a weekend (or longer) to write and they come out with fifty million words added to their novels or whatever other writing projects they have going at the moment. Or, there’s the ever elusive (and expensive) Writing Excuses Cruise hosted by the podcast hosts that seriously a dream of mine to attend.

Last year, a writer friend of mine, who has more writer friends than I do, decided we all should get together and have one of these magical events. We got on an email thread together and over the summer we rented a cabin for the night so we could write.

It. Was. So. Fun.

Which meant that six months later, we planned another one. This time for two nights and we’re considering making this a bai-annual thing. Now that we’ve done it a couple of times, I thought I’d share some of the insights I’ve gotten while planning these events.

* I have a few links in this post - but it is not sponsored and I don’t get commission from you clicking on them! (But… if people want to sponsor me I won’t say no. Ha!)

Location Location Location

The place you pick is one of the most difficult and important elements of setting up your own writing retreat. There’s a lot of factors that play into what you and your group may need.

• Set a budget. Depending on your group, you might have varying degrees of what people are willing and able to spend. Be sure to communicate with one another about what you’re willing to do. One person might be okay with spending a bit more if you can find a better location, while another person is willing to sacrifice some amenities in order to keep costs down. The AirBnB we used was a total of about $310 and we divided the cost among us depending on how many nights each person was staying.

• Have plenty of beds and bathrooms. We had a group of six and there were a couple of people who were willing to share beds, while others didn’t. Also, some people were fine sleeping on a couch if necessary. (Thankfully, it wasn’t this time around!) Another thing which was great about our AirBnB was how it had two bathrooms. With three out of the six being pregnant… it was helpful.

• Have spacious common areas. Since we made a few of our own meals, it was important we had a good kitchen. There was a full refrigerator, microwave, stove, dishwasher, two coffee makers, and a tea kettle. For counter space there was a long bar area and other spaces to prepare food as well. We had a kitchen table which seated four, several bar stools, and the living room had two small couches and a couple of chairs. To keep that community feel, you need a space where you can all gather to hang out and write together. Also be sure you have table space for people who want to write on an actual table and not just the couch. You need plenty of space to spread out and work.

• Decide how far you’re willing to travel. For our group and all of our different work and life schedules, we didn’t want to travel too far. Especially for such a short weekend. If our retreat was able to be longer (5-7 days vs only 3) maybe we would have been willing to go further. Then, some of us lived in Illinois, while others were in Wisconsin. Our first retreat we did up there and this time around we stuck to the Chicago area. I think the furthest people had to drive was about 1 1/2 hours. If this is going to be a recurring event for you and your writing friends, consider alternating which locations you’re going to so the same people aren’t driving long distances more than others.

• Confirm details about the location with your host. Our AirBnB host was great and so willing to communicate before the trip and even during the trip. (He even replied to our messages late at night!) Clarify details such as parking, Wifi, how to unlock the doors, if there’s anything additional you need to do when you check in/out, and local places to eat.
  
  

ALL THE FOOD

You can’t write all of your glorious and beautiful words without nourishment - right?

• Decide which meals are on your own and which are going to be as a group. For us, we were all arriving at different times Friday night and Saturday morning. Which meant we decided to do dinner on our own for Friday, and play it by ear on Saturday. (Although I ended up bringing donuts and we made a Starbucks run on Saturday cause the store had an AMAZING sale on fresh baked donuts and I couldn’t say no.) Everything else we ate together.

• Divide up who brings and makes what. I’m the actual worst cook ever and volunteered for beverages and snacks along with one of the other girls. I found this easy winter rum punch recipe so I could make a bulk beverage for the group. (And you added the rum after you made the punch and it tasted great both with alcohol and without - which was perfect for our pregnant friends or those who simply didn’t want to drink!) Then, I put together a big batch of classic Chex Mix for us to munch on. Two of the other girls volunteered to make lunch because they were great cooks and enjoyed doing so. (Paninis and soup!) Another two volunteered to make breakfast for Sunday morning. (French toast casserole with all the toppings!) Saturday for dinner we ordered a pizza. Needless to say, we ate very well over the weekend and it was delightful.

• Make a coffee/caffeine plan. This might not be a priority for everyone, but for me and a few other girls in our group it definitely was! We found a Starbucks nearby and it wasn’t too difficult to go to. But, looking back, I can see how perhaps we should have brought our own. Especially since the house had a regular coffee maker and a Keurig. That way, if some people wanted to sleep in or if some people wanted to be up early, they could just make their own or go out as they chose. Thinking it through more may have prevented a few caffeine headaches in our group - haha.
  

Make a Schedule and a Plan

This sounds simple, right? It’s a writing retreat! You go! You write! Have fun! But, it’s good to have somewhat of a plan going into the weekend so you can get into the right mindset. If you don’t, it’s easy to fall into just hanging out and socializing all weekend. This element is super important and you need that for sure! But… you also want to get some work done. Based on the two retreats we’ve now done, here is a sample schedule combining what we’ve done over the two different weekends:

Friday Afternoon/Evening

Goal: Arrive at AirBnB, Get to Know Each Other, Relax, Get into Writing Mode

• Everyone arrive at various times. Do meals on your own.

• Socialize/get to know each other/ice breakers

• Do writing prompts and sprints as wanted

Saturday

Goal: WRITE!

• Early morning: Each person gets up, make/get coffee/tea, get ready, do an early writing session as they want, wait for remaining people to arrive.

• 9am: Breakfast and Introductions

• 10am - 12pm: Writing Session

• 12pm: Lunch, socialize, and check in on progress

• 1pm - 3pm: Writing Session

• 3pm-5pm: Break/Socialize/Free Time

• 6pm: Dinner

• 7pm - 8pm: Writing Session

• 8pm: Break/Socialize/Free Time/Continue Writing in the rest of the night, everyone goes to bed at various times

Sunday Morning

Goal: Finish Any Writing Goals and Check Out

• Early morning: Each person gets up, make/get coffee/tea as they want, get ready, do an early morning writing session in as they want, etc.

• 9am: Breakfast and socialize

• 10am: Clean and pack up

• 11am: Check out

Obviously, you don’t have to stick to this schedule and this is SUPER basic and relaxed. Even for us, the times and activities varied. This is just a sample so you can get ideas of what you want to do.

The key is to know what your main goal of the weekend is. Is it to get to know other writers? To get your word count up? To learn more about craft and get feedback from one another? For us, we mainly wanted to get writing done and get to know each other, vs. forming critique groups and workshops. For your group, you might want something different.

What to Pack

Of course there’s the obvious things like clothes, toiletries, etc. But here’s a few other suggestions based on what I brought.

• Your laptop/computer/tablet - whatever it is you’re writing with! This should be pretty obvious, but it’s also the most important. How are you going to write and be productive without it?

• Extra chargers and extension cords. Both retreats we’ve stayed at a house, so I was confident that we’d have plenty of outlets. However, that didn’t mean we knew where those outlets were. If people were writing at the kitchen table and there wasn’t an outlet nearby and their laptop was getting low on batter, that’s a problem! Whenever you have people who are using multiple devices, it’s always good to have the spares just in case.

• A blanket and slippers/cozy socks. I debated back and forth on if I was going to bring a blanket with me and if I should even bring multiple this time around. I was so glad I brought both a regular throw and my electric blanket. The house we got was nice and had a thermostat - but it was also old and the windows got really drafty which makes it difficult to keep warm. I spent most of the weekend curled up under a blanket so I could warm up! Then, one of the house rules was we weren’t allowed to wear shoes inside. My toes would have frozen off if I didn’t have my slippers with me!

• Journal, pens, markers, pencils, planner, and other writing supplies. This should also be a given, but some people have all their notes and such on their computers or tablets. That’s the case for me and most of my outlines, ideas, and research. However, there’s something about regular old pen and paper that helps to get my mind going.

• Writing Activities, Prompts, and Ice Breakers. This helps with multiple things. One, if you don’t know everyone in the group, it’s a great way to introduce each other and set the tone for the weekend. Our first retreat, someone brought a book themed game that was similar to Apples to Apples or Cards Against Humanity and it was so fun! We really got to know one another and we stayed up far too late drinking wine and playing. This second retreat, one girl and I had arrived early and were sitting around hanging out but couldn’t get our minds switched into writing mode. We found a writing prompt, set a timer, then wrote. Once the time was up, we shared what we did. It had absolutely nothing to do with the projects we’d brought to work on for the weekend, but was such a great way to put ourselves into the writing mindset. Also, they were really fun.

• Your own paper plates, cups, utensils, etc. A lot of AirBnBs provide all of these things for you, and many also have a dishwasher. That’s awesome! Our group wanted to cut back on washing dishes as much as possible though because none of us felt like doing it and wanted to use that sort of time to socialize and write. Just be sure to bring an extra trash bag too though, just in case!

Overall, we had a really fun weekend. It’s great to be able to get to know other writers and work together.

Has anyone else gone on a writing retreat? Did you build your own, or did you join an already established one? What tips would you give to someone who’s planning one?

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Social Media for Writers 101

My name is Emily, and I am a social media addict.

(Everyone in the social media addict support group:  "Hi, Emily.")

Real talk, I've been all over social media since it first started. I pimped out my MySpace and added cool music and thought carefully over who my "top friends" were. When I graduated high school, my friends and I were obsessed with the site Xanga and posted long blogs about our SUPER DEEP EARTH SHATTERING FEELINGS nearly every single day. When my university hopped on the Facebook train (because back then it was only for colleges and they had to join the network - yes, I'm old) I was a goner. I tweet, text, book, gram, pin, share, like, love, stream, you name it I've probably at least dabbled in it at some point. Heck, I have so many friends I've met via the Internet, sometimes I forget who I met "in real life" and who I've met "virtually."

So, when my other writer friends come to me and say that social media intimidates them I'm always slightly confused and have to remind myself that not everyone is the addict I am. (Which, frankly, is probably much healthier.) If you haven't used social media a whole lot, particularly not outside of sharing your friends and family, it can be a big scary place. Here are some of my pointers for getting started.

*This post may contain affliate links.

A couple of disclaimers before we get started:

• You can use these types of tips I'll be sharing even if you aren't a writer. Since I am a writer, that is the angle I am approaching it from. Feel free to adjust them to however you use social media.
• When I first started blogging, it was a whole different world, and I ended up stumbling across a website called 20 Something Bloggers (which no longer exists... rest in peace my old friend) and that was a huge element of how I was able to connect with others on the Internet, and that was when I was simply writing a personal blog. I'm still figuring out my place in the blogging and writing communities in this "new world" and am along for the ride right with you. It's a whole new ball game out there!
• You do not need social media to be a published author. Do I need to say it louder for the people in the back? YOU DO NOT NEED SOCIAL MEDIA TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR. Do I personally find it to be a great tool and resource? For sure! However, when I read blogs or listen to podcasts or see what agents think, they say that if you don't have a social media presence it will not make or break their choice to offer representation. If you have it, that's great and they'll check it out. If you don't? It's fine. If they love your book they'll ask for representation regardless of how big your platform is.
• Speaking of... don't let social media take away from your writing. Trust me, I fall down the "I should take a break and check my Twitter mentions or be sure I post to my Instagram story" hole far too easily. Ultimately, I could have the best Instagram feed in the world and have thousands of followers, but if my book is poorly written, none of that will matter to an agent. Make writing your number one priority!
• My word is not law. If something I say isn't working for you, don't do it. There are a ton of different approaches. This is simply how I go about it.

Why Do I Want Social Media?

That's probably the first thing which may come to mind, especially when I say that you don't need it to be published. No, you don't have to be on social media to be published. But I find it as a great tool to connect with other writers and to get to know the publishing community.

I have a weird work schedule, so that makes it difficult for me to join local writing groups and meet people "in real life." So, the Internet is where I turn. It can be difficult to find good, reliable, writing friends. Particularly if you're looking for Critique Partners and Beta Readers. However, if you're willing to be patient, you can make some awesome friends and get great advice. I have one friend I've known for several years because of blogging and Twitter, and she's taught me almost everything I know about how to query literary agents. Having a group of writing friends is so important because they can give feedback, encourage you when you're down, and are there along your side during the journey. Not that friends who don't write can't do that as well, but it's essential to have other writers who know exactly how it is when you have writers block or have another rejection in your email to go to. Or to cheer you on when you accomplish something that only another writer will understand. 

You might be in a situation where you also don't have access to other writers in your area, or you feel like you don't fit in with the people around you, or you just want to expand your horizons and learn more about the writing and publishing community. Social media is great for that!

You also can learn a lot about editors and agents via social media. There are a ton of agents and editors who don't use social media, but there are also a ton who do. Example:  sometimes I lurk around #MSWL (manuscript wish list) to get an idea of what agents are looking for in their submissions and see if any of them would be a good fit for me and my work. Also, their conversations with one another are fun and fascinating because it's like an inside look into the publishing world. 

Pick One Platform

There are a ton of social media platforms out there and it can be tempting to try ALL OF THE THINGS! But, that also adds to the intimidation. Find one platform you like to get started. Enjoy taking photos? Instagram is a great choice for you. Don't want to spend all of your time writing long blog posts yet? Twitter might be a good option. Already spend a lot of time catching up with people you know on Facebook? Start a page or a group. You can add more later, but focus on one to get started and really nurture that community and get comfortable with it before moving on. Even people who I consider "Internet famous" who have a ton of different social media accounts have one favorite. They focus on it the most and you can tell that's really where their community thrives.

I'm basically everywhere, but lately Instagram has been my sweet spot and I'm working on building up that platform more. Twitter is next, but I also have been on there for quite some time and have a decent community already. My Facebook page is by far my weakest. 

What To Talk About and when

This is probably one of the biggest things I hear people share when they say they're scared of social media. "What do I talk about??? My life is so boring!"

My answer? Whatever you want.

Seriously. What do you find interesting? Share about it! What do you like on other people's social media platforms? What would be your take on it? 

And honestly, you'd be surprised at how something mundane can be turned into something appealing on social media. I LOVE the Instagram stories which are just about what people are up to that day and sharing real life. Funny stories about their kids, getting caught in a rain storm, enjoying their morning coffee, etc. Some of my most popular posts on Instagram lately have been my coffee cup next to my computer keyboard. That's it!

Obviously, if you want to connect to other writers, talk about writing. What are you working on? What struggles do you have? What are your weekly/monthly/daily goals? What music are you listening to so you can get inspired?

Some people have the theory of keeping to a theme for your social media and stick to that theme. There is definitely merit in that because when people go to your page/profile/account they know what to expect. But, I say it's okay to not completely keep with a "niche." I tried to have a personal/writing Instagram and a separate one for books (Bookstagram) but found I couldn't keep up with it so I switched to combining them. So far, it's been fine. If I do a Social Media 201, I can go more into detail about themes, niches, and the like. 

The only suggestion I have is to be sure you are comfortable with whatever you're sharing. If there's something you don't want people to know - don't share it. If there is something you think could hurt someone, yourself, or could jeopardize your career - don't share it.

Some people are hesitant to talk about things such as politics, religion, etc. Personally, I think it's totally okay to talk about these things on your social media as along as you're respectful and don't attack people who disagree with you. Just bear in mind, some of your opinions might turn certain people away. It's up to you if that's something you want to put out there or not. 

Be kind, courteous, and polite. That's all. 

As for when and how often to post - I say stay consistent. But, that means something different for each platform. The Instagram algorithm can be quite picky and tough to beat. The key is to be consistent, but also don't post too often. (If you post multiple times a day on your Instagram feed, your photos get lost in the shuffle. So, if you post pictures multiple times a day, keep it on your story, not your feed.) For Twitter, multiple times a day is fine. Twitter threads are becoming more and more popular, and I say it's totally okay to tweet as much as you like. Observe how often the people you follow tweet, and if it seems like you're going overload or people aren't responding, take a step back. On Facebook, if you're running a page or a group I say post once or twice a day. Pinterest, pin as often as you like! This might be another thing I can do in a social media 201 post where I can go more in depth with how algoritms work, scheduling posts, etc. 

Hashtags Are Your Friend

To get connected to the writing community, using hashtags is one of the easiest ways to find out who else is out there. Some of them take the form of chats (particularly on Twitter) but others are there as a way to let others know they are part of the writing community. Search a few hashtags and check out who is on there, like their photos and tweets, and follow who you think will be interesting. 

On Instagram, I have no problems when people add a bunch of hashtags at the end of their posts. It's a great way to network and get your pictures out there! When I add hashtags, I put space between my actual caption and my hashtags so they don't make things over crowded by adding emojis or ellipses. Here's what one of my captions looks like:

You also can add your hashtags as your first comment to your Instagram post if you don't want it in your caption.

For Twitter, since you have a character limit I'd only add one or two hashtags to your tweet which you find most relevant to what you're talking about. 

What not to do:  one of my personal pet peeves is when someone uses a hashtag but it has nothing to do with their post/tweet/photo. If someone uses #amwriting, I expect their photo or post to be about writing. But when I see that they're just talking about what they ate that day? Instant turn off. If I wanted to know about food, I'd search food hashtags. 

Here are some hashtags to get you started. (At least with connecting with other writers.) What I do, is I have a note saved on my phone with the hashtags I like to use, and then copy and paste the relevant ones into my post. That way I'm not sitting there wondering "which one was that again..." Or, I sometimes rotate which ones I use because the Instagram algorithm will note if a user uses a certain hashtag a lot and could consider it spam. 

• #authorsofinstagram
• #writersfollowwriters (great for follow loops!)
• #womenwriters
• #womenwhowrite
• #writinginspiration
• #novelwriter
• #novelwriting
• the genre you are writing (ex. #fantasy #ya #historicalfiction, etc.)

• #amwriting
• #amwriting[insert your genre here]
• #amquerying
• #amediting
• #amrevising
• #writersofinstagram
• #writersofig
• #writerscommunity
• #authorlife

What's great is that on Instagram, you can now follow hashtags and add them to your profile. It's a great way to be found and to discover new creators! I chose a couple of my favorites and follow those. 

Join a Chat, Weekly Event, or Group

I'll be the first to admit, I'm terrible at keeping up with these. I have friends who host these awesome weekly chats on Twitter and I forget them every time.  Or I'm part of Facebook groups that are super active and I always forget to check out their boards and comment on posts. Why is this? I'm not sure. Probably because I'm a terrible person. Or I need to start marking them in my calendar. But, when I have participated, they've been great!

On Twitter, a lot of people host chats (marked by a hashtag). You can follow the hashtag through the chat to see what people are talking about and you can reply to them. Usually they are starting at a certain time on a recurring day of the week. Most I've seen have a host and they start with intros so people can share who they are, then they share questions pertaining to the topic. Those participating (typically) "quote tweet" the question and share their answers, and people comment back. It's a great way to get to know people, talk through some writing topics, and brainstorm. 

Some Twitter chats I've found:

• #writestuff hosted by @PenPaperPad (she's and awesome indie writer and one of my friends I met online!) every Tuesday
• #AdultFicWri hosted by @ElusiveStory- this one is unique because it's week long. She posts the question on Monday and then you have all week to share your answer/reply and comment on others responses
• #writerspatch hosted by @PatchworkNerd every Sunday
• #ThursdayAesthetic (also done on Instagram) every Thursday hosted by @LiterarilyJess. This one is a bit unique where she'll announce a theme on Saturday and you create an aesthetic board for your novel. Even if you don't make one yourself, it's just fun to see what others come up with! Also, she says that the themes are 100% optional. 

With Facebook the focus is on groups. People can post questions, brainstorm, etc. Sometimes, they can get really spamy and writers end up just sharing all of their links so you can buy their books, and that can get annoying. But there are a lot of groups which keep that to a minimum and is all about the community. Many times they'll have a weekly thread for self-promotion so you can share those things, but keep it contained to one thread. 

Here's a couple of the groups I'm a member of (but need to be a better participant in!):

• #writestuff (the same people who host the #writestuff Twitter chat!)
• Your Write Dream
• Create If Writing 

Interact With People

This is really what it all comes down to. Interaction! I know, it can be super scary at times, so don't feel pressured to start talking to people you don't know if you aren't comfortable! But, the best way to make friends is to reach out and be a friend. 

Start small. Follow some people who's posts look interesting and like their tweets and photos. If you have a thought, comment. Some of my closest friends I've made online all started because we commented on each others blog posts or tweets and began conversation that way. When someone likes or comments on your content, check them out and if you like what they've created, comment and like back. Reply when people comment on your profile. Sometimes you hit it off, sometimes you don't. Both are okay!

Eventually, if you are comfortable, direct message someone. Another one of my good friendships started like this. We'd commented on each others YouTube channels and followed one another on Twitter and interacted a bit. When I was reading a book I knew she had read and needed to share my feelings, I sent her a direct message on Twitter and we talked about my thoughts on the book as I read - we've basically had a non-stop direct message thread since then. It's been at least 2 or 3 years. 

What not to do:  do not comment on people's profiles/pictures/tweets/etc with "follow me and I'll follow you back." No one is obligated to follow anyone. When someone comments that on my content, it is an instant turn off and I will not follow them. I might check out their profile and like one or two things if I find them interesting, but if as a whole I don't think their content is something I'll enjoy, I won't follow them. The only time I feel "obligated" to follow back is if I'm participating in a follow loop. But, in time, if I notice that people from that loop I don't enjoy their content, I unfollow. If someone decides to not follow you back, don't take it personally.

If there is a person who is being rude, harassing you, or simply makes you feel uncomfortable, don't be shy about using that block button. It's there for a reason. Your social media is your Internet home. If someone walked into your home that mistreated you and you didn't want them around, you'd ask them to leave, right? It's the same on social media. 

As fun and important as it is to interact though - don't stress about numbers. Focus more on making real connections and friendships!

I hope that helps to get you started if you're brand new to the writing social media scene! As I said previously, it's a new world compared to when I first started on social media and I'm still working on finding my place in the writing community as well. We can figure it out together! 

The short of it?

• You don't need social media to be published.
• Don't post, follow, comment, or like anything or anyone you aren't comfortable with.
• Be kind, polite, and professional! (Remember, these could be your friends and/or colleagues someday!)
• Interact with other people.

That's it!

What tips do you have for people who are new to social media? If you're new, what advice would you like someone to give you?

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If We Were Having Coffee

One of my favorite life catch up blog formats is this "if we were having coffee." It's probably because I'm slightly addicted to Starbucks and going on a coffee date is one of my favorite ways to catch up with friends in real life.

Since I can't have coffee with all of you, this will have to do.

No... this post isn't sponsored by Starbucks. 

I WISH. Starbucks, if you want to sponsor me, I'd be MORE than happy to oblidge. Give me all the coffee!

If we were having coffee... if it's in the morning I'm ordering a grande vanilla iced latte. If it's the afternoon I'm going all out and getting a mocha frappachino! Spring has finally arrived in Chicago, and I'm all about enjoying the sunshine and a refreshing cold drink.

If we were having coffee... I'd request we sit outside in the sunshine. There is only a tiny window in the year where it's warm enough to sit outside, but not so warm you're begging for air conditioning. Let's enjoy it while it's here, shall we?

If we were having coffee... I would probably continue to gush about the good weather. I'm not usually one who is overly anxious for spring to come. I don't LOVE the freezing cold, but I can deal. I'm not a huge fan of extreme summer heat, so while I like spring... I just then think that summer is coming. But this year it was even too much for me. Bring on the sunshine!

If we were having coffee... I'd also gush about spring and summer dresses and skirts. I just bought a couple and I love them in place of shorts! They're just so comfortable and even when it's casual, it makes me feel just slightly fancier and more feminine. Nothing beats looking cute while also feeling comfortable.

If we were having coffee... I'd bring up work, because whenever I talk to people for some reason I can't avoid it. Work is on my mind a lot, and I have to let it out sometimes! There's some changes coming soon, and they make me slightly nervous. We're also short staffed at the moment (again) and that makes everything more stressful. Basically, I need a nap and a vacation.

If we were having coffee... I'd share my woes about dating. (Again.) If this was a week ago, I would have talked about how I was feeling hopeful and talking to a couple of seemingly great guys. This week? It's a whole new story. I'm down, frustrated, angry, and disappointed. Every time I think I'm finally up to meeting someone, they turn out to be awful, or plain disappointing, or not who I thought they were.  I'm wondering if I just have terrible taste or don't know how to read the warning signals. I'm also wondering if I need to delete all of the apps and not bother anymore. I'm constantly battling not settling for less than I deserve, while also not having unrealistic expectations. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about nostalgia. This past week I went out with some college friends to the neighborhood where we went to school. I rarely go out that way these days and driving down those roads gives me some hard core nostalgia. It's like I'm 21 again! (Which... I graduated 9 years ago. Yikes! I'm old.) We saw students from the school getting ice cream where we were eating and it was weird to think it was so long ago we were in the same shoes getting ready to graduate. I'm also amazed how much my life and relationships have changed since then. I'm surprised by who I've kept in touch with and who I haven't. I'm surprised at how much my personality has changed... but also how it hasn't. If only college me could see me now! I think she'd be pretty shocked and appalled. But, I'm okay with that.

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm super excited that I finally finished my Chicagoland Vampires book collection. Nerdy, I know. But do you expect anything else from me? I fell IN LOVE with this series about a year or two ago and read all of the books via the library. Since it completed last year, I decided I should own them for myself. As of this week I have all 13 and they fit perfectly on my shelf. They look fabulous!

If we were having coffee... I'd say how I wish I could do things like this more often. It seems like I never have time or opportunities to hang out with friends and relax. I do have relaxation time, but it's usually alone. I miss being more social, but with my odd schedule it's difficult to find time when others are free when I am. I'm not sure what to do about that. 

If we were having coffee... I'd share how I'm attempting to do yoga again. Not every day, but a couple of days a week. I love watching Yoga With Adrienne videos on YouTube, but I'd like to explore more!

If we were having coffee... Going with the "self-care" lines I'd say how I'm also taking more baths lately. It's been YEARS since I've taken a bath, but a month or two ago I did a bath bomb making night with some friends and one of them encouraged me to take more since it'll help with my bones and relaxing all of my sore muscles. At first, it was super weird and awkward. I didn't really know what to do with myself. But, now I've gotten myself a bath pillow, fun bath bombs, and I bring music and a book with me. It's so nice and relaxing! #treatyourself

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how my niece is already 6 months old! She's getting so big and active. She's even going to be transitioning to "real" food soon which I can't believe! Aunt life is the best.

So, what about you? If we got together for a coffee date, what would you talk about? And more importantly - what's your order? 

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Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. 

Cross Country Travels, Dusty Altars, and Steven Moffat - Interview with Indie Author Michelle Winkler

One of my favorite things about writing is getting to know other writers! I find other writers and aspiring authors on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, and it's always really exciting when you connect with someone and you become friends. 

I love swapping ideas, getting critiques, and having other writers to share woes and successes with. So, when I Michelle and I started to get to know each other through a Critique Partner matching, it was one of the best things ever!

We swapped novels and I loved hearing her feedback, and I really loved reading her novel, Dust on the Altar which she is currently prepping to be self-published. I can't wait for it to be released so you all can enjoy it too! If you like fantasy, witches, romance, and adventure - you'll LOVE Dust on the Altar too!

When Michelle agreed to do an interview - I was so glad!

 Yes, I know I misspelled Steven Moffat in the picture. I don’t know what I was thinking! I, sorry! Please don’t take away my Whovian status!

Me: What do you write?

Michelle: My favorite genres growing up were Sci-fi and Fantasy, so most of my books will be of that kind. My 5 year plan includes: my first novel which will be book one in a fantasy trilogy, a time travel Sci-fi detective novel, and a memoir of my true life journey across country when I was 20 years old, just for a little something different.

Me: Um... I love that you have a five year plan. I barely have a five day plan! I also love that even within SFF, your genres vary like a time travel detective novel. So cool! And you journeyed across country when you were 20? Did you go by yourself???? Or do I need to wait until the memoir to learn? Haha.

Michelle:  The journey across country was not something I’d recommend to anyone. Hitch-hiking Is very dangerous, to put it mildly, even back in the 1980’s. At the time I was desperate, feeling very nearly suicidal but couldn’t bring myself to actually do that, so this is what I did. A last-ditch effort at life, so to speak. I was by myself and had only $60 and a kitchen steak knife for defense. Yeah, pretty risky. I had angels watching out for me, for sure.

It did all work out in the end though, and I can't wait to tell the story of all the great people I met along the way... and some jerks too. Of course I have to finish Dust on the Altar first and its sequels, if the first sells well. I'm determined that no matter how it sells I'm going to write and publish my journey story anyway, it will just take a few years. Stay tuned. 

Me: That's amazing! I definitely want to read that memoir now. You're so brave!

Me: How long have you been writing?

Michelle: I once found a 5 page story about a mouse who went to the moon to find out it was made of Swiss cheese, written in crayon... so, I’m guessing since about first grade. I don’t remember actually writing it though, so let’s just say I’ve been writing a long time.

Me: That's adorable. My first story was about the same time. It was about a giraffe who had multi-colored spots.

Me: When/why did you decide to pursue writing as a career?

Michelle: This, I’m much more clear about. On November 30, 2015 I amazed myself by winning National Novel Writing Month on my first try. I spent the next year or so debating what to do with the newborn manuscript I had created called Dust on the Altar.  

I had never been happy at a regular job, never stayed at one long, but I had always loved writing. I thought, if I could write books that gave people just a little of the joy I felt as a kid reading books, and could make a living doing it, then I would be happy to do that for the rest of my life.

So, I made the commitment to publish Dust on the Altar. On February 27, 2017, I opened my author Twitter account to start growing my author platform. Almost a year later here I am. I’m still revising DOTA but hoping to make my 2018 release date. We’ll see how well it does. If it sells, then I guess I have a new career. If not, then I’ll keep writing and possibly publishing for fun and those who do like my writing, but I’ll have to find work that does pay.

I’ve learned you should never give up on your dreams, however, you do have to pay your bills in the meantime.

Me: Love it! And I'm really impressed with how much you've been able to get done in just a year. I feel like it takes me AGES to even get a rough draft done, even after NaNoWriMo is over. I also love that you recognize how you can pursue your dreams... but you also have to pay your bills! So many times, people forget that. Just because you have to pay bills and get a "regular" job it doesn't mean that going for your dreams has to stop.

Me: How did you pick between traditional and self-publishing?

Michelle: That was a tough choice and I went back and forth on it several times. I don’t think one is better than the other, and I’m disappointed in the negativity authors seem to have toward each other the issue. There is room for everyone at the table.

There are several reasons I chose to be an independent author, but chief among them was complete control over my book. From the cover to marketing, I decide. I also decide when it will be published or if it will be published at all. By going through traditional publishing I leave all that up to someone else. That has its own advantages, but it doesn't seem right for me at this time. Perhaps in the future. Each author should make that choice for themselves.

Me:  Yeah, I've for sure learned more about the independent publishing industry, even though I'm going for traditional. There's a lot of misconceptions out there about self-published authors. But they are some of the best business minded people I've heard of as I read about it and listen to podcasts. It's really interesting, and I can see why they would choose to go that route. I'm really impatient too, so I can see the appeal of self-publishing for sure. But as you said, it's something each author needs to make for themselves.

Me:  What are some of the unexpected challenges that have come up while writing and publishing?

Michelle:  It’s taking much longer than I thought it would to revise my book. I’ve had to push my release date out twice and may have to again, which is upsetting to me. I’m not a patient person when it comes to myself. On the one hand, I want to have my book done already. On the other hand, I want it to be the best it can be.

Another challenge is having to change in ways I didn’t expect. I’m a very shy person but in order to make your voice heard you need to get out there and make friends in the writing and reader communities long before your book hits the market, otherwise they will say, “Michelle who?” Setting up social media accounts and engaging with them every day, blogging, email lists; all these and more are things I didn’t realize I would have to become comfortable with in order to have a presence ahead of my first book release.

The most surprising thing of all are that all these challenges haven’t scared me away from this career. I should have run screaming back to my cave a long time ago, but instead I have found myself smiling bigger, raising my chin and whispering, “Come on, bring it.”

Me: That's such an awesome attitude to have! I've definitely learned too that no matter if you're traditionally publishing a book, or self-publishing a book, a lot of the audience building and cultivating is the author's responsibility. You really need to put yourself out there. I love that you're not intimidated by it though and you let it motivate you!

Me: What’s the most rewarding thing about writing/publishing so far?

Michelle: Helping others. Every time I learn something new I really enjoy passing that knowledge on to other writers who may be just a few steps behind me on the learning curve. I get the greatest feeling of accomplishment from other writers thanking me for helping them. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn't be where I am without all the people who’ve said they like my writing. The positive feedback I’ve received so far has been the number one factor in deciding to go forward with publishing rather than keep my writing to myself. And I most certainly will cry literal tears for days at my first bad review. However, there’s just something about the feeling I get when someone says I’ve helped them in some way, that makes me smile like nothing else.

In fact, the main focus of my blog is to help new writers through their journey by letting them learn from my mistakes.

Me: I think we're all there with you on the first bad review thing! And YES with helping others! I'm the same way. I just love connecting with other writers (like you) and how we can all help and learn from each other. I have people I've been able to share my knowledge and resources with, and they do the same for me. It's such a great community.

Me:  Where do you get inspiration for your work?

Michelle:  I like to imagine there are bubbles of ideas floating around us all the time. We are constantly running into stray bubble-thoughts of this or that. If we don’t take the idea bubble and do something with it then it continues to float along until someone else grabs it and does something with it. Right?

Being serious, I’m not sure. Sometimes I have a dream. I daydream a lot while I’m driving. The idea for Dust on the Altar came from a daydream while I was driving past a church. I thought, when you hear about a loss of faith you think of religious faith. What if you were a witch and lost your faith in magic? And thus began the questions that grew into a novel.

Other times it will come from a real life experience. I believe it helps if you experience as much as you can in life and keep your mind and eyes open to what’s around you. You never know where your next story idea will come from.

Me: That's so cool where you got the idea for Dust on the Altar! It's really interesting to see where people's ideas come from, and how even with fantasy, so many times the themes and different elements still stem from real life.

Me: What authors inspire you?

Michelle:  In my youth, my mom introduced me to Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, and Frank Herbert’s epic Dune. I devoured these and more like them by the time I was in 6th grade. It sparked my fascination with the genres I still love today. While I still love the old classics, I find a lack of free time has turned me into a turtle reader and I don’t read as much as I used to.

Most of the books I read now are by new and debut authors. I find them inspiring because while they may have only one or two books out, they show great promise. Two of my favorites so far are Megan Tennant and Jenna Moreci.

Me: I'll have to check out those debut authors!

Me:  What is the first thing you remember writing?

Michelle:  I’ve written countless bits and pieces of things over the years but I’ve never really finished anything until now. Unless you count a Buffy fanfiction series a few years ago. But I didn’t finish the last chapter, so I guess I should count that either.

Anyway, Dust on the Altar is the first novel I’ve ever completed and is currently going through revisions to become my first published work.

I’m overly excited about it because it’s the most complicated, and at over 60,000 words the largest thing I’ve written that I’ve ever completed. It has been toiled over and molded and shaped into the best thing I could possibly make it. I can’t wait to share it with the world and hear back all the good and bad things people have to say about it, so that in 3 years time when asked this same question I can say, “I remember writing my first book.”

Me: Yes fanfiction! So many people get their start writing doing fan fic and I love it!

Me:  What do you like the most about your genre?

Michelle:  One of my favorite quotes by Steven Moffat actually explains what I love best about the Sci-fi and Fantasy genres, more specifically the heroes you find in them. In part, he says, “History books tell us who we used to be, documentaries tell us who we are now, but heroes tell us who we want to be.” Although you may never reach that ideal of the hero, I believe it’s vital to always have it to strive toward.

The other great thing about the two genres is that they can tell us hard truths we don’t want to hear. By setting the scene in a place completely alien to us, with people and situations that we don’t see every day, we can relax and enjoy the entertainment on the surface of the story while between the lines we are learning a lesson about things going on here in our modern day world. It’s like the spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. That lesson stays with us long after we close the book.

Me: I will definitely have to keep that quote from Moffat in mind. That's a good one! And it's so accurate about SFF. People who aren't into those genres I think don't realize must how much truth goes into them.

Me:  Describe your writing process in three words.

Michelle:  Messy. Fun. Typos.

Me:   LOL Definitely relateable right there!

Me:  What are your top three favorite books at the moment?

Michelle:  Like I said, I’ve become very interested in new and debut authors lately, but earlier this year I read The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman and fell in love with it. I listened to it on Audible over a couple days while painting our new kitchen. It was such an adventure. Of course I love British accents and it helped that the author read it himself. The descriptions were vivid, the plot was interesting, the characters fascinating. It’s one I will love to read again at some point.

Megan Tennant is one of those new authors I mentioned and her debut novel is Aletheia. It’s a dystopian first person account from a woman with no name. I hesitate to say zombie genre, because it’s not zombies. Just read it. It’s so good.

Jenna Moreci has her second novel coming out soon, and by pre-ordering I got to read the first five chapters. I’m totally hooked. It’s called The Saviors Champion.

Me: I love Ocean at the End of the Lane! And those others sound really good too!

Me:  What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

Michelle:  I love computer first person shooter games like PlanetSide 2, even though I die constantly, and World of Warcraft. I usually end up playing a supporting role in them like medic or mage. I also am trying to get a veggie and herb garden going, so I can supplement my food and eat better. I dabble with making my own chain-mail jewelry. I love movies and TV… that’s about it I guess.

Me: Chainmail jewelry? That's amazing!

Me:  What have you been watching/listening to lately?

Michelle:  I usually make a separate playlist for each book with songs that remind me of the characters, scenes, or moods in said book, and play it on a loop while I write or edit. Lately however, I discovered a group called Two Steps From Hell and have been playing their album Power of Darkness Anthology non-stop. It’s mostly instrumental music. Very emotional. They’ve written songs for some major blockbusters like Pirates of the Caribbean and such.

I’ve also been watching a lot of YouTube videos about writing and/or publishing. I usually start with Jenna or Megan and surf through whatever related videos pop up from there. Basically I’m in sponge mode trying to learn all I can about writing and publishing before I launch my first book. It’s been fun so far.

Me: I have some writing playlists that I have on repeat too as I write! I might have to take note of Power of Darkness cause they might have some good mood music for my own work. And I'm all about YouTube videos!

Me: Any online links you'd like to share so we can find you?

Michelle:  I’m on Twitter daily @MWinklerBooks, my writing blog is at michellewinkler.wordpress.com, my Facebook page is at facebook.com/michelle.winkler.397. The debut authors I mentioned are ones I found through Twitter, so you can find them easily on my "following" list.

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How Small Christian Universities Messed Up My View of Love and Marriage

Note: This post originally was originally published at: http://www.lovewokemeupthismorning.com/2012/01/how-small-christian-universities-messed.html on January 18, 2012.

Once, I came across a blog post via The Good Women Project. Then, as I tend to do with posts I like, I shared it on Facebook. Holy crap that started a discussion.

If you want, you can read the post here. It turns out, a lot of my single friends (and some of my married friends, actually) really resonated with this post. One of my friends who was part of the conversation added how she felt it was about letting God have control, singleness isn't the problem, and how God did bring her her husband but she would have been fine if he hadn't. She then asked me this question: "I think being at [the name of our university] warped our views on this topic? Where single = unhappy, married = unhappy? Your thoughts?"

The short answer?

YES!

The long answer?

When I was 13 I started to read The Christy Miller Series. Spoiler alert: in the end, Christy marries the guy she fell for when she was 14 just after she graduates college.

When I was in high school, I started going to a youth group where most of the leaders were college students who went to a conservative Christian university in the city. Most of them also dated each other and got married soon after graduating college.

I had friends from youth group who went away to a Christian college in another part of the country. They were there one year and got engaged at the age of 19. Apparently, so many people were getting engaged at this school it was becoming an "epidemic" and couples had to get approval from the university to get married.

At the end of the summer after my senior year of high school, and I was preparing to leave for a small, conservative, Lutheran university, I visited another youth group where some of my friends with. One girl told me: "Emily, I just know you are going to meet your husband in college."

I then go to college. As a naive, impressionable, Jesus-loving, 18 year old girl, I got one message pounded into my brain:

YOU ARE GOING TO MEET YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND AT FRESHMAN CAMP!!!!!!!!

This was written all over the sidewalks and on posters around campus. I'm not even joking. Freshman camp is the weekend before classes begin the fall semester. Granted, the Orientation, Transfer, and Camp staffs (O-staff, T-staff, and Camp Staff) all told us they wrote those things in jest. However... it kind of wasn't a joke.

Through the next four years I saw countless students dating each other freshman year and then getting a ring put on their finger by junior or senior year. Heck, when I was 18, I was in a play where one of my cast mates got married over Christmas break. We would always joke around about getting our MRS degree at graduation. My sophomore year I lived on a small floor filled where a majority of the girls were (A) engaged, (B) in a serious relationship, or (C) pregnant. 

The message that you had to get married to your college sweetheart because that's what good Christian girls do was loud and clear. 

So where would that leave the girls on campus, like myself, who always found themselves boy-friendless? My single friends and I had countless conversations about waiting for the right guy, how God has a plan, and learning how we need to "give our singleness to the Lord". Sometimes we even put on a very convincing facade that we were 100% okay with being single in a sea of engaged couples.

But it wasn't OK.

I just can't help but wonder why this is such a big trend in conservative Christian circles. Nothing is wrong with marrying young. Heck, I grew up in the Boy Meets World generation where Cory and Topanga were the ideal couple.

Looking back, I'm glad I never dated any of the guys I was interested in during my college years. Not that they weren't great guys, they were, and some I am still friends with. But I remember when I was 18 I thought that if I dated one of them that I would have to marry him. That's completely ridiculous. Why this pressure to marry right away? What if that's not God's plan for you? What if you never marry? What if you marry after the age of 25? (Yes - in some circles being 25 and single makes you an old maid.) Does this make you a "bad Christian?" Does this make you less of a person? Does it mean that married = happy, and single = unhappy? I don't think so. 

I also feel like most people would agree with me. 

So why this trend? I would love to hear your thoughts.

*Please note, that this is not a bash against Christy Miller, the youth leaders I had in high school, the university I attended, or people who marry young. Christy Miller is one of my all time favorite book series. My youth leaders helped me grow in my faith in so many ways. I had an awesome college experience. I have several close friends who married young and are amazing people whose friendships I would never want to loose.