Today, my third book was published. Naturally, I thought “This is the perfect time to start blogging again!”

I was never known for having the best or most thought through ideas.

Some history:

It’s been years since I’ve blogged, and even longer since I blogged regularly. When first started blogging, (I’m talking with an actual website and thought out posts, not just my emotional ramblings on Xanga in my college days. Did I just age myself? Yes, I did.) it was back in my early 20s when I was living on my own for the first time and navigating the world in all of the glory only a recent college grad can have. Thankfully, I found on the internet a bunch of other people who also were in their early 20s and blogging.

Honestly? It was a blast. Maybe this is my nostalgia talking, but we had a ton of fun writing about whatever we felt like and sharing all of our random stories and thoughts. Then, as time went on and social media grew, so did our relationships with the internet. Blogging wasn’t just for fun anymore, it was branding and marketing and having a certain vibe to your Instagram photos and finding sponsors.

It was exhausting, and while it made me some wonderful friends and I learned so much about the publishing industry and ultimately led to my own books being published, by the time that happened I was running out of ideas of things to write about on the blog all of the time. Besides, I wanted to conserve my writing energy for my novels. I think it has done me well to be quite honest.

And now here we are. Three books deep into my romantic fantasy fairy tale retelling series (I really need to find a way to shorten that), The Cursed Queens, and seemingly out of nowhere I’m back!

For awhile now, Instagram has been my main “home” on the Internet for all things books and writing. Twitter has fallen by the wayside, and while I have a Facebook page and group for my writing, that platform is mostly me asking for recommendations from friends and family on various things I want and need to buy, and my Youtube channel is collecting dust. TikTok… well… that’s an adventure. But I feel like the people who are thriving on there have the same feelings I did when I first started blogging and exploring the Internet and it makes me happy for them.

But I’ve wanted to expand more. It hasn’t felt “right” to stay in my one tiny corner. Not just for my own marketing and books, but for myself too.

Last night I was talking with my therapist, (about something entirely different but it’s what got me on this ridiculous train:, and she told me “You’re writer! Just write!” Which… makes sense. She knows it’s what I want to do and what makes me happy. I’m not a photographer or graphic designer or video editor or director. I’m a writer. It sounds so simple, but oddly, harder than you’d think.

But, also oddly feels write. I like sharing my thoughts and putting them into words. There’s so many avenues I’m in love with for telling stories and sharing my heart. Music, theatre, and sometimes the occasional fuzzy photo on Instagram. But words on the page (or screen as the case may be) has always been my defualt, and always will be.

There you have it. I want to talk about my life now. As an author with three books out and still feels like she’s beginning and figuring out how to navigate this.

So, a year in the life of an author. In an ideal world, I’d post every day. But… I also don’t want to set expectations too high. I will try to post and share this journey as often as I can. Likely, I’ll talk about writing and books the most. But I’d like to talk about other things too. We’ll see where this goes.

Oh… and I guess you should read my books too. Because you know, marketing.

Yup. You read that correctly. As of this month, I will have been out of college for 10 years.

Yes, I am now old. I'll be checking out the early bird special for dinner today and going to bed at a decent hour so I can be up in the morning.

Well... technically I graduated in 2009 because I was in a five year program. However, that 5th year was a year long internship where I worked full-time and didn't step foot into a classroom except MAYBE once or twice. That internship became my full time job after that year was over and... it was basically the same. By the time I graduated, it felt like just a formality. Therefore, I always see 2008 as my "graduation."

Seeing everyone's graduation photos from the last couple of weeks (more will be coming since here in Chicago school doesn't get out until June!) and going back to the neighborhood where I went to college a couple of weekends ago, it's made me quite nostalgic for those days. I had a lot of fun those four years on campus, but I also realize more and more that I am no longer that girl. My friends from that time and I joke a lot about "if 18 year old us could see us now..." because they'd probably be completely shocked.

1. It's Okay to be Pretty

For some reason, when I was younger I had this weird idea in my head that to care about looking pretty meant I was shallow. I refused to learn how to do my makeup, I didn't know what kind of shampoo and conditioner to use, my clothes were... okay, but yet I still wanted to be seen as pretty. I also didn't tell this to anyone.

I'm not entirely sure what was preventing me. Because in my mid-twenties I had a revelation that... hey... I was pretty. (Who knew?) Once I realized this, I treated myself that way, and I've never looked back. This could actually be an entire blog post, but I haven't found the right way to go about writing it yet.

I'm not saying that you need to wear makeup, purchase designer clothes, or spend all of your time primping in the mirror. I know many confident, beautiful women (inside and out) who have no desire to do any of these things, and don't. Which is amazing! But if you do like to do those things - go for it.

You are beautiful and it is okay to treat yourself as such.

2. Save Money

For real though. This is a lesson I'm constantly having to learn. I don't make a ton of money, and there are months when things get super tight on the wallet with bills, student loans, and life in general.

But there are many times when I look back and I'm all "you know... if I had saved up a bit more and simply put away even just $20 each paycheck..." I would have much more financial freedom.

I know, it's super easy to take that $20 and spend it on a book or put it on my Starbucks card (at least those are my go-to's), but in the long run you'll be thankful.

3. It's Okay to not be Married with a Baby on the Way by the Age of 23

So... went to a conservative Lutheran University. Basically, everyone was all about getting married right after graduation and settling down right away. (I've heard this trend disappeared not long after I graduated - thankfully!) This is a pretty common thing at Christian schools for some reason.

I never dated in college, and was always thinking something was wrong with me because I didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't planning my wedding. Most people my age were going to weddings towards the end of their 20s and early 30s. A majority of the weddings I attended were before I was the age of 25 because EVERYONE was getting married the second they graduated. I wasn't on that track, so clearly something had to be wrong. (Read more about it here.)

Looking back... I'm so glad I never ended up with the guys I liked back then. They were great guys and are still some of my friends, don't get me wrong. But they were for sure not the ones for me.

Even some of my friends who did get married young look back and think "what was I thinking?" I was talking to one such friend a few years ago and she was like "I was so crazy back then!" She's happily married to her college boyfriend and have a great relationship. But she said that there was zero reason for them to be in such a hurry to tie the knot. They could have waited a little longer and been just fine.

Yeah, I've been doing the online dating thing now and putting myself out there because that's something I do want someday. But, I'm much more in a place of "I'd rather be alone than with the wrong man." I don't want to get married and have kids just for the sake of having that "status."

4. Sometimes You Have to Talk About the Uncomfortable Stuff

This was something I was figuring out towards the end of my years in school, but it's definitely come home for me since then. I never wanted to talk about topics like racism, sex, inequality, etc. Part of it I think was myself genuinely being naive and thinking that some of these weren't issues. Part of it was my own ignorance. Part of it was just me being dumb. When I think back on classroom conversations (particularly about racism) I'm embarrassed and ashamed of how I responded.

But we have to talk about these things sometimes.

I'm glad I have friends I can open up to and share things I used to be embarrassed about before. I have people in my life who have taught me how some of my views were wrong and I'm learning to take those steps to correct them. I've been learning I can talk about my disability and learn more about it, even if it isn't the most fun of topics. I've learned to have the courage to speak up about certain things even though I know I'll have the unpopular opinion.

Just this past week, there was some personal body things that had to do with my disability I've been wondering about, and finally posted on a women's forum for my disability about it. I got some awesome responses and a couple other women commented saying that they were glad I brought it up because they had the same question.

Yeah, some conversations are uncomfortable, but you need to have them anyway.

5. Keep Writing and Keep Creating

I'm a creative and a lover of stories at heart. (In case you haven't noticed.) I've been writing my whole life, and when I'm not working on a book... there's something missing in my life.

But, it's about being creative in general. The first few years out of college, my co-workers kept on encouraging me to try out for the local community theatre since they knew I had studied theatre in school. It took me a couple of years, but I was so glad once I did. It was the creative release I'd been craving and didn't even realize it. I was happier and more energized than I'd been in months.

Creativity and the arts are part of who I am, and if I want to keep my mental health, they need to be part of my life.

6. Go on the Trip, but Pick who you Travel with Carefully

I wish I could travel more than I do! But, I've gone to a fair amount of places since graduating college. Some for work, some for fun. San Antonio, New Orleans, NYC, Orlando, Orange County, Joplin, Selma, etc. I love exploring new places, meeting new people, and having these great experiences. Sometimes, you just have to take the plunge and say "I'm going there" and just do it.

But, I've also learned that who you travel with can make or break a trip. I'm the type of person where I don't care so much about what I'm doing, but rather who I'm doing it with. You can be great friends with a person, but not be great travel companions.

7. Internet Friends are Real Friends

Post college I discovered the Internet.

Not that I didn't know what it was or never used it - I'm a Millennial. Obviously, I did. My generation invented Facebook.

But it was after college where really learned about THE INTERNET. I started a blog, joined a couple of blogging sites (Rest in Peace, 20sb), and BOOM. A whole new world opened up before me. I started to use Twitter, then later Pinterest and Instagram and YouTube and all of the other things. What surprised me the most was how I made friends.

REAL friends.

Whenever people start to diss on social media and how it doesn't actually connect people, I shut it down right away. Some of my closest friends I've made as an adult have been because of social media and blogging. It all started with a comment on their site, or replying to them on Twitter, then moving onto direct messages and texts. Some of them I've met in real life (and traveled with!), some I haven't. They're all awesome and fantastic.

8. Like What You Like

For way too much of my life, I worried about what people thought of me. I wouldn't stand up for the things I enjoyed, or I thought others would like down on me because something I read or watched or listened to wasn't "good enough."

F*** that.

Life is too short to be worrying about other judging you because you like something. Read the fluffy romance novel. Listen to an obscene amount of Glee music if you think it's fun. Watch The Bachelor and soak in all of the DRAMA. Who cares?

9. Ambivert is a Real Thing

Yeah... this sounds slightly random, but once I heard about this, I kinda changed my life. I've always thought of myself as an extrovert. I'm loud, outgoing, and usually like people. Thus, extrovert, right?

WRONG.

I once worked with someone who was an EXTREME extrovert and we were so different from one another. When I was ready to calm down and hide away from the world, they'd still be rolling and have a ton of energy. There are times I don't want to be around people and simply want to sit at home with my dog and a book.

Or, I find there are days I'm super shy. Or I don't know what to talk about. Or I get anxious about going out. I'd spent so much time with people who were true extroverts, I was used to all of these big social situations and realized I was just along for the ride. I wasn't the one who was making the new connections and making things happen. It was my other friends and it just rubbed off on me. Once I wasn't with those friends anymore... I didn't know how to be an extrovert anymore either.

Yet, I didn't fit in with the introvert side either. I'm not super quiet, I do like being around others, and too much alone time makes me stir crazy.

So what was I?

Enter, ambivert.

I didn't have to be one or the other! I'm both. Just... sometimes having that definition for something is a relief and I'm not just wondering if I'm crazy.

10. I Don't Need to Worry About How Things "Should" Be

I should be married by now.

I should have kids.

My career should be in a certain place by a certain age.

I should be living in a certain place.

I should like these types of books.

I should go out more.

I should go out less.

My body should look a certain way.

I should have "experience" in certain things by now.

If you look this way/believe this one religion/dress a certain way/live in this area/have this orientation/etc then you should...

You know what I say?

F*** that.

We spend far too much time worrying about how things "should" be instead of accepting how and who we are. We compare ourselves to people around us thinking that our lives aren't how they "should" be yet.

Sometimes, your life will look different than another persons. Even if you are very similar in a way. If you're a white straight Christian woman living in the suburbs, your life is going to look different than the other white straight Christian woman living in the suburbs next door.

And that's okay.

You be you.

So... what life lessons have you learned over the last few years? Anyone else looking back on 10 years since graduating?

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee.