New Year

2018 Year in Review and 2019 Goals

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Here we are again. New Years Eve is behind us and it’s time for Helene In Between’s start of the year link-up. As I write this, it is New Years Day and I’m working the 2nd shift. It’s quiet, the holiday decorations have already been taken down, and the building is practically empty after the New Years Eve partiers have left. The post-holiday blues are hitting me a bit hard this year. I was so excited for them to come for what felt like forever, and I prepared and counted down the days. Then, as the season went on there was something off about it.

Maybe it was work. Maybe it was how our weather went all topsy-turvey in Chicago and it was one of the warmest Decembers ever. (I know snow has nothing to do with Christmas, but I need snow and cold weather at Christmas. I just do. I let Bing Crosby infiltrate my brain too much.) My family and I had a great holiday, and I spent New Years Eve with some friends. Yet, I’m caught off guard by the arrival of 2019.

Everyone has been sharing their favorite memories of 2018. A lot of people openly admitted this year wasn’t the best, but they still had special moments to look back on. As I tried to think of how this past year as been for me, it was a struggle.

 

2018 In Review

2018 wasn’t a bad year. At least not for me personally. We didn’t have any big tragedies with my family or my close friends. Jobs remained the same. My parents and I moved again which was annoying, but the house we’re in now is much better than the condo we were in previously. The animals, Bandit and Peanut, remain well. Yet, I still can’t imagine myself looking back on this past year and thinking “Wow! That was a great year!”

The best part for sure was watching my niece grow. She’s 13 months now, and we loved every moment of watching all of her firsts and are excited for all of the rest of them to come. Then as I thought about it, that’s not really my life. It’s her life and my sisters and my brother-in-law’s. Yes, I get to participate in large parts of it and I’m so fortunate to have a family where we’re all included. But, it’s not necessarily part of my life.

Or maybe it is? I don’t know.

I’m sure somewhere in all of this there’s a lesson about how significant and wonderful it is to be the person to be happy and supportive of the people around them. Which is awesome, and I’m happy to be that person. I love celebrating alongside the people I care about and raising them up when awesome things happen.

But yet…

 

Yet.

The goals I set for myself never panned out. I didn’t travel. Heck, I don’t think I even took my vacation week - even if I didn’t go anywhere I could have had a staycation.

 

2018 wasn’t a bad year for me. There were some fun moments. I went to C2E2 and took photos with the cast of Gilmore Girls and This is Us. (Although it all happened so quickly that I didn’t even register it happened until I saw the photos.)

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I saw three musicals downtown, including my first pre-Broadway premire (Pretty Woman) where I also met Samantha Barks, Steve Kazee, Tony Bracco, and others at stage door. As big of a Broadway geek I am, I’ve never gone to the pre-Broadway previews or stage door before and it was fun! I also saw Waitress for my birthday, then Miss Saigon in November. I honestly couldn’t tell you which of the tree I liked the most. All of them were so wonderful!

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I also saw Josh Groban and Idnina Menzel at United Center. I never go to concerts, but when I heard these two were touring together I knew I had to go. It was completely amazing after being such a fan of theirs for so long. I think I died about 20 million times through the whole thing.

In October a friend and I went to a VE Schwab event at a local book store. We didn’t do the meet and greet line (which, I’d met her at YallFest a couple years ago) but we loved hearing her speak and talk about her writing process. I admire her so much.

I stole this from VE Schwab’s instagram.

I stole this from VE Schwab’s instagram.

On the writing front, I started out working on my Vampire Snow White novel but got stuck. So, I switched over to my fairy tale mash-up, White Rose. I participated in PitchWars for the second year in a row, and all of August was basically dedicated to completing the first draft of White Rose. It was hard, and while I didn’t get chosen for PitchWars it was still an awesome experience and I’ve learned so much since then thanks to the people I’ve met through it. But now as I’ve been attempting to do rewrites and revisions, it’s been difficult to recapture how happy I was that I’d finished the draft. Something in that creative side of my brain that was dedicated to that novel seems to have dried up, and I’m trying to get it back.

This picture has nothing to do with anything. I just really like how it turned out.

This picture has nothing to do with anything. I just really like how it turned out.

I’d had the goal of having something query ready by the end of the year… and it didn’t happen.

Another thing on the writing front was that a small group of writing friends and I went on a retreat together over the summer. It was really fun, and I hope we can do it again. There’s been some chat of trying again this winter.

 

On the media front…

I read 100 books - which did complete my goal of reading less. I read 113 books n 2017. I will also have a post wrapping up and sharing my favorite books of 2018 in a week or two.

According to Spotify my #1 song was “This is Me” from The Greatest Showman. (Not surprising in the least and that was definitely the song of the year and it was ROBBED at the Oscars. ROBBED I TELL YOU.) I also listened to a lot of Taylor Switft, Demi Lovato, musical soundtracks, Sia, and Josh Groban. All of these are also not surprising. The first song I listened to was “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga and she is a most excellent way to start out the listening year.

With movies, I LOVED Love, Simon and saw it twice. Which is also something not that surprising since I’ve read the book at least seven times. It was a fantastic adaptation. Speaking of adaptations, To All the Boys I Loved Before , The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and Dumplin’ on Netflix were also pretty fantastic. Some other movies I loved were: Lady Bird, The Christmas Chronicles, The Princess Switch, Mama Mia! Here We Go Again, and finished out the year by seeing Mary Poppins Returns which was a fantastic life choice.

For TV… I finally started watching Parks and Rec and I can’t believe it took me this long. I’m on season 6 and almost done! I binged The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and while there are for sure some issues, it was entertaining and a good watch for the Halloween season. I tried The Haunting of Hill House but only made it through one episode because I’m a scaredy-cat. I did a rewatch of Glee, That 70s Show, Gilmore Girls, and now I’m rewatching Friends. I do a lot of rewatching of TV shows cause then I can have it on in the background and if I’m not completely paying attention it’s not a big deal. I was outraged (OUTRAGED I TELL YOU) when Evana Lynch didn’t win Dancing with the Stars, and I’m annoyed that Colton is going to be the new Bachelor because especially on Bachelor in Paradise he just wasn’t that great. But, we all know come Monday night I’m gonna watch and get sucked into all of the drama anyway. I was also really mad that Kennedy didn’t win The Voice, but Chevelle was my 2nd choice so at least she won. I started Riverdale but need to still catch up on season 2. Then, of course, I think we can all agree that one of the best things to come out of 2018 is the Netflix revival of Queer Eye. Or did it release in 2017? I don’t remember. Either way, if season 1 was last year and season 2 was this year it was still one of the best parts of 2018. THE QUEER EYE GUYS HAVE SAVED 2018 FOR US OKAY?

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I listened to a lot of podcasts and discovered a lot of new ones! Of course, there’s Johnathan Van Ness’ podcast, Getting Curious where he interviews experts about topics he’s curious about. I continued to listen to some of my favorites: Writer Writer Pants on Fire, Writing Excuses, Broadway Backstory, Myths and Legends , and Print Run Podcast. But, I’ve become OBSESSED with Female Criminals and The History Chicks. I could listen to those all day and not be bored for a single moment. They’re completely fascinating. Then, my friends over at The Snark Squad started THE MOST AMAZING podcast this year too, and I love listening to them laugh and discuss pop culture and media. I’ve secretly been wanting them to start a podcast in addition to their blog for a long time now and I’m so glad they finally did.

My last selfie of 2018. My niece is always entertained by the filters.

My last selfie of 2018. My niece is always entertained by the filters.

And… that’s about it. Nothing has really changed for me and my life. Same job, same friends, same neighborhood (even if we changed addresses… the Southwest suburbs of Chicago are weird like that), and I get to watch my niece grow up. Which isn’t bad. I have so much to be thankful for.

Yet…

 

Yet, there’s still that nagging feeling of “what else?”

 

Looking Ahead to 2019

So, now we’re here in 2019. A new year. A new start. I rang it in at a relaxed party with some old friends, a couple whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, then even made it home by midnight to wish my family a happy new year. (I told you it was relaxed. We played Pandemic through the Times Square Ball drop and didn’t even break open the champagne.)

I’m hesitantly looking forward to the new year. Excited is a bit too strong of a word for it, but I am curious about the new year. I know the whole thing is a “social construct.” There is no magic which happens when the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve. If you want do something to change your life, you can do it any day of the year.

There’s something I like about having that set day as a fresh start. All together we can turn the page into a new chapter and start over.

Once again, I’m setting the goal of having something query ready this year.

I want to take a freaking vacation. Even if it’s a “staycation.”

I’m lowering my reading goal to 80 books because I still feel like my reading-life balance isn’t particularly healthy.

I want to take more photos. I used to take pictures of me, my friends, and my family all of the time. Not because there was something special we were doing, but just because. I take a lot of photos still, but of nothing that special. It’s all for social media where I pose my book in a pretty way and talk about what I’m reading. Which, there’s nothing wrong with that and I’m going to keep doing that. But, I noticed that my phone is severely lacking photos of people over the last 12 months. Heck, I barely even took any selfies this year. That needs to change.

Most of all though, in 2019 I want to be open. Open to new things, changes, family, friends… life in general.

I’ve never been one to do a “word of the year.” But if I were, I think “open” would be a good one.

 

How are you all feeling going into the new year? And don’t forget to write your own post and link it up and/or check out everyone else’s posts via Helene In Between!


 
 

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Merry in Manhattan - Part 4

Are you ready to read the end of Lane and Chris’ holiday story?

It’s been so much fun to write this, and I’m really glad I jumped back into short fiction. I love my novels and they are my passion. But, working on something shorter is a nice break and it gives a great sense of accomplishment. (Especially since a novel can take several months or even years to complete!) I can’t promise that I’m going to post flash fiction on a regular basis, but I do want to do more. I wonder if this is the right platform for it though. I love having it on my blog because then I have a “main hub” for everything and people don’t have to click around to different websites. Yet, I also know that people don’t usually go to blogs to read fiction online. So, maybe Wattpad or something is a better option? I’m not sure yet.

Anyway.

Enjoy!

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“Terrance is there?” Mom asked Christmas morning during our video chat.

I looked over my shoulder to the bedroom door, as though Terrance was going to pop his head in at any moment. He’d (thankfully) slept on the couch all night. I’d been tempted to throw him out, but it was late and cold outside. I wasn’t that heartless. “Yeah, he just showed up last night. Did he tell you anything?”

She shook her head. “Never said a word to me. Although you have been flaunting that new guy of yours online the last few weeks. Maybe it finally made him get his head out of his ass.”

“Mom!”

She looked at me innocently. “All of those pictures you don’t consider flaunting?”

“I wasn’t… he’s just a…” Friend? Co-worker? Guy I kissed last night? Great. This was far more complicated now than it was supposed it to be. “We weren’t flaunting.”

Well… maybe we were a little.

“I need him to leave though!”

Mom only shrugged. “It’s your apartment, do what you want. I need to go to my Christmas massage. Have a great day sweetie and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” I said far too glumly than was appropriate for the day.

“Merry Christmas.”

The moment we ended the chat I heard Terrance talking to someone out in the living room. Was he calling home to wish them a merry Christmas? Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. I hurried out of my room to find Terrance waving and closing the door and Chris walking away.

I shoved past him and ran out to the hallway. Chris was already stepping onto the elevator.

“Babe! What are you doing?” Terrance called after me.

But it was too late. The elevator door shut before I could get to it. He didn’t even look over his shoulder at the sound of me calling after him. I bounded down the steps in the faint hope I’d beat him downstairs. There was no such luck. When I got down to the bottom floor Chris was already driving off in a cab.

***

Lucy’s jaw dropped as I told the story. It was that weird time between Christmas and New Year where no one truly knew what day it was. When Lucy saw that I didn’t join Chris at the Kwanzaa party, she’s called me right away since Chris didn’t give her any explanation as to why I wasn’t there. If he wasn’t going to talk about it, apparently she’d be sure I was.

I should have been more concerned about her apparent lack of respect for his privacy but… in all honesty, it felt good to be sharing the whole thing with someone. I confessed how it all was a ruse and we’d had a deal where I would save him from Alexis and in return I’d get his office. I even told her about ice skating after her party and how it seemed like things were changing between us.

“So… what happened with Terrance?” Lucy asked before returning to her tea.

“Apparently he told Chris we’d gotten back together. I threw him out of the apartment the second he told me. He claims that he thought we could ‘work it out.’” I played with my new key chain and twisted it around my fingers.

Lucy scoffed. “Ugh. Men. And what about Chris?”

“I’ve tried talking to him. Calls, texts, even emails. He won’t reply to anything.”

Lucy leaned back in the chair and considered me for a moment. “Chris… he seems like nothing bothers him, but it’s not true. He had a pretty bad break up a few years ago, and everything with his family… it takes awhile for him to trust someone. He totally should hear you out and not believe that Terrance guy and I’m absolutely going to give him a piece of my mind. But, I’m not totally surprised.”

I stuck the key chain back in my pocket and looked out the window of the cafe where we were sitting. Everything was still decked out in it’s holiday splendor, but now that Christmas was over there was a sort of gray tint to everything. “So what do I do?”

“Do you like him?”

As much as I hated to admit it, I really did, and told her so.

“Then show up New Years Eve. I’ll send you the details. Amanda and I will take care of the rest.”

***

The party was at Chris’ penthouse - because of course it was. Even though we’d spent nearly every day together the last few weeks, this was the first I’d been to his place. It was… huge. It was like a house and it made my head hurt to think of how much rent must be.

Amanda met me at the door and took my coat and showed me around, introducing me to everyone I didn’t know yet. For a brief moment I saw Chris in the kitchen chatting with Levi. Our eyes met and for a second I thought he was excited to see me. A smile played on his lips, but then he lowered his head and with a pat on Levi’s shoulder, exited the room.

I threw my hands in the air. “He shouldn’t even be mad at me! I should be mad at him for ignoring me!”

And I was mad. Clearly he didn’t like me as much as I thought he did or else he would have given me a chance to explain. This whole thing was ridiculous.

Amanda handed me a drink. “He’s not mad at you. He’s just… being Chris.”

I took the drink and took a sip. “That’s what Lucy said too. Trust issues.”

“I mean, he’s being an idiot, and his avoiding you has gone on way too long,” Amanda agreed. “Just… it’ll work out. You’ll see.”

“If you say so-”

“AHHHHH I’M HERE!”

My blood curdled at the sound.

Alexis. She burst into the penthouse with arms raised and heels clacking along the floor. Even I cringed when she walked into a room now and my first instinct was to check on Chris. But no, he had to fend for himself this time. With a roll of my eyes I walked as far away from her as possible because if I knew one thing, I knew she’d go right for Chris. If I was away from her, I was away from him.

The party went on, and Lucy and Amanda made sure I enjoyed myself. We drank and danced and I even flirted with a guy or two. It would be fine. I could make friends and do this on my own. Without Chris.

Alexis shrieked from the patio and everyone turned to look. She burst back into the room and scampered toward me. She grasped my arm and pulled me toward the patio. “Oh my god Lane, you have to help me! My necklace fell off!”

“Alexis, were you even wearing a necklace?”

“Not anymore!” She dragged me outside and I rubbed my arms. Damn, it was freezing out there. “Look down there!” Alexis demanded.

Twinkle lights were strung along the railing and more hung on the bricks walls to illuminate the space. But even then, I had no idea how we were going to see a piece of jewelry. I grabbed my phone and turned on the flashlight and I crouched on the ground to search “Alexis, are you sure you dropped it?”

“What’s going on?” Chris appeared at the porch doorway and stepped out.

Alexis grasped his shoulders and spun him around. “I lost my necklace! I’m so glad you came out here to help! You and Lane look out here, I’ll go back inside.”

“Wait - but-”

She rushed inside and shut the door. He grasped the handle and pulled but it wouldn’t budge. She’d locked it. From inside Lucy and Amanda merely smiled and waved and silently toasted me with their champagne glasses. Of course. There was no necklace.

“She didn’t loose anything did she?” Chris asked.

“I don’t think so.” I sat on my heels and looked up at him. Well… yet another time when I really shouldn’t have been wearing a skirt. Chris chuckled at the sight and extended a hand which I gratefully accepted to stand back again. “I think this is their way of making us talk.”

Chris smiled and didn’t let go of my hand once I was on my feet again. “Yeah… I guess so. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.”

“Lucy told me to.”

“Right.” He looked down at our linked hands. “Look … I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.”

“Or text… or email…”

He chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah… at first it was because I was mad. But then I was embarrassed. Then I figured it was for the best.”

“Why for the best?”

He sighed and looked anywhere but at my face. “Because if you are back with him, then why should I bother? And if you aren’t, you shouldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t even hear you out."

I shifted so I met his eyes and he had no choice but to look at me. “Chris. Terrance came thinking it was going to be some great grand gesture. He was jealous of you. Our plan worked a little too well I guess. He must have seen how much I liked you.”

He raised his brows. “You do?”

I groaned. “Don’t make me say it again. Your head is going to grow too big.”

He genuinely smiled for the first time all night. “You know, I’d been trying to find a way to ask you out for months.”

I pulled my head back a bit. “You what?”

He shrugged. “The whole scheme was Levi’s idea.” He gestured toward the window where Levi waved.

“Did Lucy and Amanda know?”

He shook his head.

“And Alexis?”

“Who even knows about her.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. All this time, and I had no idea.

Men.

Chris stroked my hair and wrapped his arms around me. Which was nice not just because it was him, but also I was freeing. “I’m sorry.”

“You already said that.”

“Oh.”

Not able to resist anymore I rose to my tiptoes and kissed him.

“Lane, it’s not even midnight yet-”

“Oh shush and kiss me already.”

Holidays in the city. Definitely better than my small town.


If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy:

Meet the Family Part 1

Meet the Family Part 2

An Unexpected Christmas Eve

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