March 2020 is a strange time. There isn’t a person reading this who wouldn’t agree. Usually bustling cities have become ghost towns, there’s a run on toilet paper, and seeing people walk around with masks on has become an every day occurrence.
It’s strange to see how quickly we’ve gotten a new normal. A new normal which probably should have happened sooner.
I, along with a lot of people, went into 2020 with wide bright eyes ready to take on the new year. 2019 was uneventful and a little difficult for me at times, but it ended on such high notes. I’d gotten a promotion at work in the fall, new friendships were quickly becoming more important to me each day, I’d signed a contract for my debut novel (a full post about how it happened coming soon)… there were moments in December all of the good in my life would catch me off guard and I’d have to take a step back to absorb it all.
Wanting to keep up the momentum and make positive changes in my life, I got a fancy planner where I could evaluate what I needed to work on and the goals I would set to make my vision happen. I chose a word of the year (which I’ve never done). Things were prepared, lists made, and goals set. 2020 was going to be THE YEAR.
Flash forward four months later.
So many things are different now. I’ve tried time and time again to write this post, but each time I sit down to type it out I lose motivation and something has changed. Just last week when I first created this draft my life hadn’t been much different. I had my job, I was able to see friends (even if it was just virtual happy hours), and I was doing weekly essentials runs. I kept my hand sanitizer at the desk and was washing my hands frequently. I was scared and worried for the world, but also hopeful.
This week it’s a new picture. The stay at home order in Illinois has been extended until the end of April. (To be honest, I have a hunch it’ll go even longer.) More guests at the hotel have come down the the virus. I have a small collection of face masks and latex free gloves. The mask I’m wearing now was made by a friends mom and is purple with turtles on it. I’m at work - but I don’t know for how long. I know I’ll be at work for the next couple of days but beyond that it’s in the air. A million tabs are open as I’m trying to figure out unemployment details and how it actually works. Lists are made on my phone of what companies to call about bills and what my options are. In the background I have my church’s live stream of their Good Friday service quietly playing so I can still get my work done without getting too distracted.
I’m stressed and tired and debate back and forth if I want to stay home or if I should just keep going day by day to see what hours I’m given.
My word of the year for 2020 was “Embrace.” Now more than ever, it’s more difficult to keep a the forefront of my mind. How am I supposed to embrace COVID19? Embrace the uncertainty of my job? Embrace the world being sick? Embrace not seeing the people I care about? Even with it being Holy Week and looking forward to Easter, I’m having trouble finding the hope and celebration Sunday is supposed to bring with it.
I want it gone! Put my life back to normal!
In my planner which had such high goals set at this time has lay outs for a goal refresh. The makers fully understood that life changes through the year, and what was a priority January 1 may not be a priority April 1.
I couldn’t help but be grateful to have the time to sit and reevaluate what I wanted my life to look like. What perfect timing.
It’s time for a reset.
What was odd though, was that most of my important big picture goals didn’t change much. How I went about them may change, but the goals themselves did not. Some of them became even more important.
Celebrating and growing the relationships closest to me.
Starting my author career on the right foot.
Consuming and creating art that I love and is just for me - not for profit or for anyone else.
Preparing and taking care of my body for whatever comes.
Stewarding the gifts I’ve been given well.
Even when we have a stay at home order, these things are still important. I may not be able to make plans to go out with my friends and family once a week as I originally planned - but I have been using Facetime much more often and being sure I send cards and set up virtual happy hours with people.
I should be hearing back from my editor soon on what needs to be done on my novel so I can get it all polished and cleaned up. It couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.
I’m reading even more books and getting through some that have been sitting on my shelves and kindle for years. Favorite TV shows and movies are constantly playing on my TV. Musicians are still releasing new music. I even did a 1000 piece puzzle in my downtime.
Oddly enough, or maybe not, I’ve been taking care of my body much better than I had in the past. There’s all the hand washing and such we’re all doing of course. But I’m also exercising and trying to drink more water.
Then as I have to count my pennies not knowing how many hours I’ll have a work, I have no other choice but to be sure I’m making wise choices.
I’m not going to embrace COVID19, worry, stress, or the temptation to leave the house. But I can work on embracing all of these other things. Video calls, checking in on people, taking care of myself, and preparing for whatever could come next. Or at least accepting that I can’t control what will happen.
There are no promises on my end of how well I’ll do these things. But I can remind myself to embrace this reset of life. Take the time to really see what’s important and push aside the little worries that really didn’t matter. Accept that right now, finding a pair of latex free gloves that actually fit and some hand sanitizers buried in the bottom of a drawer are what’s going to make me smile these days.
I can embrace and accept that this is a stressful and frightening time. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging these facts.
And I hope this too shall pass.